So, I've thinking about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder lately. I've always known that I have my little 'eccentricities', but I've never really worried about it. I just figured I was a bit weird, is all. But maybe my weirdness is a bit more clinical than I realized. I want to write about my strange behaviour but some of this stuff makes me feel ill and weak just thinking about it. So, I will make a point-form list:
- As a child if a sentence didn't end in an even number of syllables, I had to add an extra word to make it feel 'right'. I would tap out the syllables with 2 fingers on the palm of my hand. Same with words, but only when I was spelling them out. I don't do this any more, unless I'm really stressed or not paying attention.
- I have to have my toes crossed at all times. Unless, I 'm wearing shoes, of course. I'm not crazy, you know.
- I cannot bear the sensation of a wet wooden spoon or a certain type of wet wood on my skin or especially on my tongue. I played clarinet for about a week before I had a meltdown. That's how I discovered the tongue thing. Before that I couldn't wash my mother's wooden spoons. This got me in a fair bit of trouble during washing up time.
- I can't touch foam. Styro-foam is okay - but not foam. I remember one time when I was being difficult about sleeping on a foam mattress during a camping trip with my family - my dad thought it would be funny to roll me up in the foam like a jelly donut. I think I saw angels that time. I freaked out and bawled my eyes out and my dad got angrier. His joke bombed and he still had a 7 year-old who refused to sleep on the mattress.
- I have serious vein issues. I cannot look at the tops of my hands. If I do, I start to feel very far away. As you can imagine having blood work done is very unpleasant for me. I manage to keep it under control during blood tests - so it's not so bad. But, I feel very upset for a day or two after the test and I have to get someone else to remove the band-aid for me.
- When I get stressed out - my feet become unbearably hot. I remember as a kid in Saskatchewan getting up at night and standing in the snow on our back deck - trying to find some relief.
- Wet fabric in my mouth. Cannot. Do. It. Children who suck on mittens or face cloths should be dealth with sternly. Maybe rounded up and kept in a bad box. I know that if I were kidnapped I would die the moment a rag was stuffed in my mouth. This thought used to obsess me as a child. Now I just don't think about it.
- I cannot touch or have the raised mole on my neck touched. No way. Nor the raised scar on my right knee.
- Oh, here's a weird one. I can't have my finger nails touch each other - nails edge to nails edge. It makes me feel seriously unhinged.
- Very thin strands of hair or threading a needle upset me.
Okay, I need to stop now. Jesus, I sound like a nutbar. Seriously, I'm not uptight! No, really! I'm not uptight in bed and I'm easy-going! I mean it. You better believe me.
Hmm...I've just published all my weaknesses. My kryptonite list, in a matter of speaking.
There was a point to this post, but I feel too freaked out and uncomfortable to keep on going. The worst thing is that I don't have that whole compulsive tidiness thing. Now, that's a disorder I can get behind. I'm a miserable housekeeper.
Shh...I'm going to tap out sentences now. Calm.