tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40629132011-09-19T08:16:18.463-07:00I wax pathetic. Wanna watch?...noreply@blogger.comBlogger6971100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-12248401271979924202011-02-04T00:05:00.004-08:002011-02-04T00:30:09.347-08:00

You know when you have a point? You may even be right and you feel pretty sure you should make your point because they say communication is essential...communication is key.And so you go ahead and make that point. You're going to talk about your feelings because it is important to talk about one's feelings in life.You have something to say.You open your mouth and you hear your voice -- wheedling,

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-84228471513958342322011-01-28T18:56:00.000-08:002011-01-28T18:57:13.420-08:00

Parenting Tutour (Tri cities)from craigslist | free stuff in vancouver, BCIs your boy causing you problems? If so, call me Heinz. I offer free advice and tutoring on how to raise a show home quality son. If you want to raise a fine, honest young man with integrity, like my boy Mark, all you need to do is call me at 778-960-XXXX. The apple never falls far from the tree, so I also offer counselling

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-60999965758962730962010-12-22T00:57:00.002-08:002010-12-22T01:07:35.964-08:00

Another Christmas will soon be in the can. For the first time ever, I think, I can't wait for it to be over. What I'd really like to do is run away to some place that is very quiet and hide out in bed for a week. Or two. Alone. Not even a fantasy fellow would be invited. I'm too tired and low feeling to entertain such make-believeness. In fact, I can't even fantasize myself into feeling

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-5674381161150787312010-12-20T20:06:00.011-08:002010-12-21T02:09:09.677-08:00

... do the wrong thing for the right reason. Being a grown-up seems to involve a whole lot of looking the other way, turning the other cheek etc and so on in order to keep the peace. And this season is all about peace, is it not? It's the time of year where families all over the world spend a good deal of time pretending in order to keep everyone happy.Every year I try to recreate these wonderful

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-25887930242453202532010-11-03T23:10:00.003-07:002010-11-03T23:35:30.444-07:00

It's been over 4 months since I had my son and I've finally given up the dream that all this extra weight will melt away. Just last week I trundled my way through a bootcamp class. This was not an easy decision, you know. I've invested a fair amount of time sneering at women who sign up for "bootcamp"fitness classes. But, desperate times etc and so on. The workout was painful and demeaning - just

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-11034211878681991082010-03-29T22:59:00.003-07:002010-03-29T23:20:16.356-07:00

Holy smokes, it's nearly April 2010. Can you guys EVEN believe it?The trees are blooming here and at least a couple days of the week are all about the sun.This is nice. I'm not what you'd call a hot weather girl, but I am looking ffwd to softer days.I am dead tired of covering up with a toque for fear of the rain activating the fro.I've been busy painting & planning and cruising alleys in search

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-90237304092988531562010-01-29T18:12:00.003-08:002010-01-29T18:19:57.153-08:00

Wowee, so bored. I mean really really bored. Seems to be catching. Everyone at the office today was complaining about feeling unenthused and tired.Dreamed last night I was walking around the Lake District with a tall man with a long black beard. He offered me a piece of bread and then he fell over a cliff. Even my dreams are boring and pointless. Well, I don't suppose falling over a cliff is

...noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-27323630746525699512010-01-27T18:41:00.001-08:002010-01-27T18:52:32.120-08:00

CBC News - Consumer Life - Vancouver has world's least affordable housing: reportOk, seriously now... World's least affordable housing?? What I am doing here?? I am poor. More accurately, I'm pore. Yes, yes there are others worse off... I am typing this on a Mac laptop, I dye my hair and I even buy coffee sometimes -- but clearly I'm not Vancouver material.Despite 8 years experience as a writer

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-12001390964251787802010-01-23T13:36:00.007-08:002010-01-28T23:33:57.347-08:00

..."he isnt hearing what you say, but watching the movement of your lips in sexual rumination."Barf. Funny how some things fade from life so easily while others stick and stick and stick. Why couldn't it have been my first crush from highschool, Geoff Cook, boarding my bus Friday morning instead of the black-haired girl who turns my insides to ice? Why is it this person whom I've never met - yet

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-16594577234039006862009-09-06T21:22:00.003-07:002009-09-06T21:30:20.722-07:00

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-59415883401550198362009-09-06T20:16:00.002-07:002009-09-06T20:31:12.577-07:00

bbws deserve luvin too.... I'm a very good looking guy that usually only hooks up with very attractive, fit woman. For today only I'm going to drop my guard down and pic one lucky bbw for an afternoon of total attention, sexual that is, to that special bbw. I have never tried this but look forward to my first bbw, are you up for the challenge?For today only?!? What are you big beautiful "woman"

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-46222460079761632352009-08-21T10:28:00.003-07:002009-08-21T10:28:55.182-07:00

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-39516199223562941882009-08-09T21:50:00.005-07:002009-08-09T23:03:16.447-07:00

Aiight, so I'm 37 years old nowadays. Ain't that a kick in the head?That means I've been writing in this blog for 7 years! Crazypants.I suppose I should reflect for a moment. Not much has changed in 7 years other than...I've been hired, fired, hired, fired, hired, fired, hired, fired and hired again by the CBC,I left a marriage, played the field for 2 seconds and settled into an unsettling

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-11930802946159594672009-08-07T22:50:00.002-07:002009-08-07T22:52:52.736-07:00

It doesn't take much to make me wince and feel sick with grief.On the other hand, it doesn't take much more to make me happy.I'm easy that way. I just wish someone knew how to manage me.I can't offer any pointers. I'm really quite useless at it myself.I ate too much poppy seed square tonight. Melancholy me.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-70799081618345359782009-08-04T00:11:00.002-07:002009-08-04T00:28:07.285-07:00

I spent this long weekend camping in the Elaho Valley and it was so lovely. Waterfalls, swimming holes and mildly terrifying nights in a tent all contributed to an excellent mini-vacation. This is saying something, considering I forgot the bug spray and the skies were filled with blood-thirsty flies. Seriously, black/deer/horse flies are the assholes of nature. At certain hours of the day I was

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-16267693696622917522009-08-03T22:55:00.004-07:002009-09-06T21:32:49.111-07:00

It sucks when a guy (whilst driving) ducks and looks past me (sitting in the passenger seat) to get a look at another woman on the street. Believe me, I know women are beautiful and I know it's hard NOT to look sometimes... but, come on. At least invest in a pair of mirrored sunglasses.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-66003232397273634762009-08-03T20:00:00.002-07:002009-08-03T21:45:02.704-07:00

HOT SUMMER SEX [-- a truly terrible bit of writing full of very bad ideas and descriptions of lady bits that will make your skin crawl, highlighted and bolded. My gift to you.--slush]by Pala Copeland & Al LinkUrban Male Magazine, Summer 1999 [REPUBLISHED WITHOUT PERMISSION, OBVIOUSLY]It's summer, glorious summer and the heat in the air cranks up the heat in your groin. It seems that everywhere

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-51236134827118756272009-06-10T11:13:00.006-07:002009-06-10T12:39:45.245-07:00

So, I've put my back out. Wayyyyy out. I blame my sister's baby for a couple of reasons: First, it's fun to blame babies for stuff. And second, he went and practically doubled his body weight without telling me. Vicious. When I tossed the adorable little butterball into the air my old and dilapidated back snapped in half.I' m now on day 5 of painkillers and tortured "sleep". If you have a god,

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-21249363478909131122009-05-28T13:32:00.004-07:002009-05-28T13:48:17.387-07:00

I know it's been awhile. And this doesn't count as a for-real post, but I just have to say that this may just be one of the worst weeks of my life. It is in fact only second to the same week this time last year. An anniversary weekend that I can barely afford to contemplate is approaching and I am starting to feel pretty desperate. In fact, the anniversary weekend starts today. This time last

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-44220978346097952122009-05-03T11:21:00.004-07:002009-05-03T12:18:34.217-07:00

I need to drop a 137 pounds fast!! Anyone know a good divorce lawyer? Ba dum dumIt's been six years since my ex and I split. It's time to make it legal, but the legal bit is challenging. I've downloaded the do-it-yourself-divorce kit several times, but every time I try to slog through it, I feel paralyzed. It's complicated and requires full cooperation from my ex. Now, if we were able to

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-30621261175989089932009-03-31T13:59:00.006-07:002009-03-31T17:23:59.143-07:00

Woodhands, that is. See, how fickle I am? Now, instead of crooning to tiny tots, I want to eat vast amounts of drugs and swap sweat with nasty strangers... Mind you, one often begets the other.

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-55510571278212023272009-03-31T13:14:00.004-07:002009-03-31T13:28:39.484-07:00

Sniffle. This song is breaking my heart. It's 1:15 PM & I'm entering data & listening to Mason Jennings sing to his children. Who isn't a sucker for a good-looking singer/songwriter who loves babies? Oh, right - straight men. Pfft, who needs them? Oh, right again... damn.Well nevermind. I'm just going to carry on my fiery romance with the married and fatherly Mr. Jennings. I think it's going to

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-87270603707549049072009-03-27T17:28:00.004-07:002009-03-27T17:38:12.280-07:00

I am pretty much totally in love with this song. I'd also like go on record with the fact that I'm a pretty solid fan of making out. Why don't we spend more time making out in life? I honestly can't think of ANYTHING better. Everything about it is excellent. Furilla.Let's Make Out

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-82985423407431185462009-03-23T23:10:00.003-07:002009-03-23T23:12:14.332-07:00

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-88191034908150658422009-03-23T21:25:00.001-07:002009-03-23T21:27:17.846-07:00

Who you are to meDo I call you toots? No. I do not call anybody by a silly nickname. Nobody deserves silliness. Not even those who bring it upon themselvesAmen, WernerHerzblog, amen.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-72211984405188693772009-01-29T23:34:00.000-08:002009-01-29T23:35:24.635-08:00

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-30383765257317834962009-01-26T22:47:00.002-08:002009-01-26T22:51:14.093-08:00

Apparently 8 gabillion people were laid off today and a quadrillion turkeys were murdered. Methinks we're in the End Times fo sho.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-8454162586095267192009-01-15T14:25:00.000-08:002009-01-15T14:26:08.479-08:00

i'd buy these.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-22749190364086153232009-01-14T14:10:00.003-08:002009-01-14T14:38:54.863-08:00

another black and white photo posted to a cubicle wallthree words worm their way through,"we'll make another."and now i have to dig the trenches all over again.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-29283635439089591302009-01-14T10:02:00.004-08:002009-01-14T14:40:28.369-08:00

on the train on the way to work today,i saw, far out near the base of the mountainsa sunny patch.the train, the depressing big box stores and industrial parksaround me remained lousy with grey.i really wanted to be standing in that sun.i thought about getting off the train and heading for the hills.instead i ran my tongue over the sharp edges of my eye teeth and decided i'd never make it on time.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-15820268919510614812009-01-09T15:02:00.001-08:002009-01-09T15:02:52.837-08:00

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-17786018628415333822009-01-09T12:16:00.003-08:002009-01-09T12:22:41.486-08:00

Slint's "Good Morning Captain" always kind of freaked me out a little... in a good-to-feel-your-stomach-lurch-a-bit-to-prove-you're-still-alive kind of way. But did you know the haunting little ditty was made into a children's book?Oh, you did? Stupid small world I live in.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-89463880974663064002009-01-08T20:44:00.000-08:002009-01-08T20:47:10.891-08:00

gLaunchProfile.stop("adLoadTime");gLaunchProfile.stop("REC");adTimes.ADREC=gLaunchProfile._timers["REC"].total; gLaunchProfile.stop("LPRenderTime"); gLaunchProfile.start("RPRenderTime"); Welcome, slush! You have 0 unread messages: (as usual)

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-3599878899297883132009-01-04T22:50:00.002-08:002009-01-04T23:30:27.636-08:00

Um, I've been writing this blog for 7 years. Isn't that crazy? To think of all the things I could have potentially accomplished in 7 years... I could have earned a degree in something or other. I could have walked across Canada or built my own home out of clay and grass and stuff. I could have birthed and raised a 7-year-old! Shoulda, coulda, woulda.So, what's up for 2009? That is a very good

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-18622057627477915802008-11-24T23:21:00.004-08:002008-11-24T23:34:15.122-08:00

I would like a do over, please.I just went through several years of gmail.I skimmed through thousands of old emails.Threaded between Facebook, Myspace & Orkut notificationsand photo attachments of a slimmer me,I found remnants of only half-buried ugliness.Patterns of pitiful behaviour leapt up from the inbox.What do you do with bad history?I deleted a lot of it, but I still feel grimey on the

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-69267011380809619782008-11-13T22:43:00.005-08:002008-11-13T22:48:57.888-08:00

...don't mean shit when you haven't got a pot to piss in.For once, owning nothing somewhat works in my favour. Well, not really -- but there's something to be said about having nothing to lose.Do you remember Heart to Heart? God, I loved that show. Jonathan and Jennifer Hart never had to worry about the economy.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-84886297758940696312008-11-12T23:23:00.005-08:002008-11-12T23:39:00.686-08:00

Once, as I walked to the SkyTrain, a construction worker asked me to marry him. He had found a gaudy toy ring on the ground. We shared a laugh as he rose from bended knee. As I walked away, I realized that would probably be my first and last marriage proposal. Aint that a kick in the head.I have no burning desire to get married again, but I could do with a proposal. I managed to walk down the

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-39117312618593112132008-11-08T00:24:00.003-08:002008-11-08T00:35:44.658-08:00

Sadly, my first and most likely last trip to Kwong Chow went a little like this:I ordered Hong Kong-style congee.A steaming bowl of white on off-white appearedsmelling of dirty white.I tried one bite, two bite, three bite...fourOnly shame forced me to go that far.I am but a lame-ass white girl after all.

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-12644821433986668222008-11-01T23:38:00.002-07:002008-11-01T23:40:07.011-07:00

Wearing yoga pants and Fluevogs out to dinner does not make you urban and easy going. It makes you poorly dressed.And probably an asshole.(probably = definitely)

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-46574785241991404882008-10-16T21:07:00.002-07:002008-10-16T21:15:39.274-07:00

...Day. Yes, I am having one of those. In fact, it's stretched into a crummy week. And this is my favourite time of year! Hardly seems right. I have a killer stress-ache and no amount of huffy-puffy yoga breath is going to make a dent.Perhaps I still have some Nyquil left somewhere.Oh, too bad about Madonna and Guy. For some reason I felt better with them married. I believed their people when

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-12103867070798597832008-10-15T17:54:00.005-07:002008-10-15T22:39:25.139-07:00

Gosh, this is possibly the most entertaining thing I've seen in a long, long time. Once again I thank God that the YouTube wasn't around when I was young, nubile and very, very stupid.

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-88115352248436113362008-10-09T13:19:00.003-07:002008-10-09T13:31:10.774-07:00

I'm sick. My insides are hotter than Hades. My breath is scorching my throat. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep some more -- except that I can't. Not at night, anyway. I start to feel capable of resting about twenty minutes before my alarm is set to go off. Father Time is in cahoots with the virus, I suspect.It's not surprising that I've fallen ill. Life is hard right now. Really, really hard.

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-80624501284056019432008-10-03T21:49:00.000-07:002008-10-03T21:50:33.892-07:00

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-64930247598481139232008-09-30T13:17:00.001-07:002008-09-30T13:20:08.248-07:00

I'll make you laugh by acting like the guy who sings and you'll make me smile by really getting into the swing when im feeling like a miserable cow, this song/video generally cheers me up.

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-20457520347369535962008-09-29T15:00:00.001-07:002008-09-29T15:03:01.592-07:00

I'm pretty sure I've NEVER heard a more devastating song. It gives me a stomach ache.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-56155402514962790902008-09-27T13:28:00.002-07:002008-09-27T13:44:05.231-07:00

I hate that Paul Newman died. It's not like I'm unaware of how many other people died yesterday. But they didn't make me want to name my first-born son "Hud". I have no son and Paul Newman is gone. Sadness all around.

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-2650640159372304052008-09-23T16:14:00.004-07:002008-09-23T16:17:24.814-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm oversensitive. But I think it's more likely that other people are just "undersensitive". If I wasn't so wounded, I'd almost feel sorry for them.

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-13885522984517292082008-09-21T11:02:00.006-07:002008-09-21T13:06:25.118-07:00

i love craigslist personals. the 'missed connections' section lets me people watch from the safety of my own home. i'm hooked on the optimism, romance and tragedy of it all and of course i foster a secret hope of being someone's missed connection. so it is with mixed feelings that i poke fun at other people's posts. but in the end, the smaller, meaner and more funner part of me wins out. i know

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-14938585820844144062008-09-15T21:18:00.003-07:002008-09-15T21:26:36.585-07:00

i have a lasagna in the oven.no, i do not have a little italian in me (wocka-wocka)he was tall and that was years ago (ba dum dum, high kick)it smells delicious.italian sausage, fistfuls of full fat mozzarella, basil from my herb garden, fresh noodles from tonina's.i am also thawing (un-thawing if you're my mother) bananas to make banana bread that will make you forget the bananas.today my

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-67424443862318400172008-09-11T15:09:00.002-07:002008-09-11T15:12:22.798-07:00

thank you john. this made me feel better.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-30273831917663852092008-09-10T17:31:00.003-07:002008-09-10T17:34:14.549-07:00

... I just love this photo.

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-16216504500541879932008-09-03T22:25:00.004-07:002008-09-03T22:35:46.795-07:00

Why is it that both sexes congratulate men who declare that the first thing they look at on a woman is her face? So what? You can bet your bottom dollar that he's moved on to the jiggly bits within milliseconds.

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-63099596826572194592008-07-24T23:02:00.002-07:002008-07-24T23:12:25.057-07:00

Today, on my 8 billionth trip to Ikea, I was stung by a wasp. The wasp stung me moments after I finished delivering a fantastic pep talk about all the wonderfulness of the wonderful, wonderful world. I suspect there is a lesson to be learned somewhere in all of this.This is my first wasp sting. It was kind of exciting. Not exciting- good... But exciting. It felt like being burned by the tip of a

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-36623443258260680262008-07-22T11:06:00.001-07:002008-07-22T11:09:30.067-07:00

Re: Andrew and Shy guysAnd it's even signed "Lost boy".This diatribe will only attract other pansy-ass men.

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-40869862593733440642008-07-17T15:52:00.002-07:002008-07-17T15:55:14.829-07:00

yawn.yes, yes ... im a sellout.time to fuck off now and do like fergie says -- if you ain't got no money take your broke ass home.in other news, i've moved into my new place and it's rah-ther fantastic. i'm in the sun. all my neighbours are french -- but that's ok, i'm sure they're nice anyway.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-72307279166585947832008-07-16T12:41:00.006-07:002008-07-16T13:20:21.869-07:00

Ok, guess what? No, go on -- guess! I'll give you a hint: A massive delivery of free chocolate was delivered to yours truly. Oh yes, it's totally true. Happy birthday to me!I don't think you understand... I'm not one of those dumbies who claims to prefer chocolate to sex, but come on! A box FULL of chocolate Fed-exed to your door? That's the stuff of childhood dreams. You see, Dove Chocolate

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-89340509974396415692008-07-07T15:18:00.005-07:002008-07-07T15:49:08.174-07:00

I'm moving...AGAIN. Movin' on up to the west side to a deluxe two-bedroom condo in the skyyyy-ish (there are 2 balconies involved). Crazy. I'm like a bohemian except I'm less assholey.As I was packing things up yesterday I came across a trench coat that I used to wear in my nubile twenties. It was my go-to jacket. Hot pink with unfortunate shoulder pads -- although I can assure you broad

...noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-64652670870863182722008-07-03T14:39:00.003-07:002008-07-03T14:42:04.778-07:00

I just got an email from "Rozelle Clankscales" about "brainstems explants". I can't think of better inspiration to write a short story. With Rozelle as the protagonist and the drama of brainstem explants -- I feel a book tour coming on. And to think dumb Yahoo! relegated this gem to my junk mail folder.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-22914602953288122432008-07-02T22:54:00.003-07:002008-07-02T23:10:32.413-07:00

Arm fat and back fat is rude. If I could gather mine up and shove it into my bra, I'd be laughing and jiggling all the way to the bank... to withdraw all my superficial husband's money... to pay to have my nipples realigned.Exercising is such a drag. The only sweat I actually enjoy breaking is brought on by sex or frolicking in an alpine meadow. If only there were a way to combine the two... Fuck

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-26072074525170550732008-06-28T13:32:00.004-07:002008-06-28T14:06:07.561-07:00

So, we're firmly into 2008 and I still haven't been discovered. I'm starting worry a little. I mean, can you even be discovered when you're 35? (Yes, 35 -- I have 3 weeks before the odometer clicks). It's not like I'm just sitting around waiting for someone to bookmark me under superstar -- I gave that up months ago. No, I put myself out there. I do stuff online. I leave the house everyday. I

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-36500079455775107652008-06-25T17:26:00.004-07:002008-06-25T17:41:02.604-07:00

I may be repeating myself here... but have you ever noticed that pancake batter smells a little bit like semen?On a totally unrelated note, I'm starving. Time to make dinner.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-34769937717029954382008-06-15T17:15:00.003-07:002008-06-15T17:35:59.759-07:00

"My eyes are hazel except when I'm angry or turned on... they go green."This has to be one of the most irritating sentences ever uttered. I heard a woman say this to another woman as they walked slower than molasses in front of me along Main Street this afternoon. I snickered loudly, hoping she would turn on me so I could get a look at her flashing green eyes. Why can't people with hazel eyes

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-47198688160854683822008-06-14T21:35:00.004-07:002008-06-14T22:27:55.634-07:00

I... I don't even know where to start... I reckon I've been remiss for so long, not many eyeballs roll over this page anymore. It's not my fault. Life caught me by the panties and hung me up on a coat hook and I've been hanging on the wall ever since. I've been fighting the government, the CBC, my mind & my traitorous body. Busy, busy, busy!I don't have the energy to give all the details -- but

...noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-34705331734348271822008-04-23T19:11:00.002-07:002008-04-23T20:06:25.296-07:00

Old lady confession of the day:I still have a very real and deep crush on John Bender.That is all for now.

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-77188577852648120732008-03-24T22:39:00.006-07:002008-03-24T23:36:25.360-07:00

Happy Easter, my little cream eggs!I trust you all enjoyed the holiday? I certainly did, if by 'enjoy', you mean 'eat'. Between heaping servings of this to consuming a terrifying amount of chocolate -- I made good use of my 4 days off. I coloured eggs, skipped through wild flowers and drank lots of nice wine. You know, the whole good food/good company thing. Sadly, all the chocolate and wine did

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-36583504674311006902008-03-02T19:25:00.006-08:002008-03-02T19:52:49.691-08:00

... pants were no longer an option.This Easter candy bullshit is really fucking me up. I'm going to Mexico in 2 months and I'll probably have to wear a bathing suit. Actually, as the 'resort' I'm staying at has a bar that you swim up to, I'll definitely be suiting up. The other options are donning the fat girl outfit of shorts and a t-shirt or going nekkid. Not appealing. But, as it stands, I

...noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-22153128717466515252008-02-28T00:03:00.001-08:002008-02-27T23:20:09.119-08:00

This just in: I am in love with the woman who wrote this. I wish I had written this...this...manifesto. Yes, manifesto. I would have thrown in the odd "cum on my tits", but all in all -- these are wise, wise words.Shame she had to go and add a disclaimer.(thanks J)

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-70751157233154569502008-02-27T21:14:00.008-08:002008-02-27T23:26:31.646-08:00

Aiight, so last week I traveled to the UK to visit my dearest friend, Nina; her husband, George and her ridiculously charming four-year-old son, Gus. Nina and I tromped around London. We were kicked out of a Top Shop by a wall-eyed Russian security guard. We (I) bored a communal table at a fancy dim sum joint with too-loud, Sex-in-the-City-esque tales of woe. We took in the Vanity Fair exhibit at

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-36465700021516389162008-02-26T00:09:00.007-08:002008-02-26T00:41:59.622-08:00

Arsenal vs Milan (kick ass photography by me!)More about putting the jolly back in jolly old to cum...

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-15593395206005899462008-02-14T11:52:00.007-08:002008-02-14T12:28:07.098-08:00

This morning I woke up beside the man I love. He told me that there just might be a surprise for me downstairs. Down in the kitchen there was a heart-shaped box of chocolate on the table and beside it I found a scrap of paper instructing me to look here and then there and finally in his coat pocket where I found a shiny new Tiffany charm!Oh wait... that was my sister.I woke up beside a box of

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-25729371242547960002008-02-12T22:52:00.005-08:002008-02-12T23:11:57.458-08:00

Behold the Nordic Ware Sweetheart Rose Muffin pan! Retailing at $35 in the US&A, yours truly picked up this cast iron beauty for $2 at a local thrift shop.No, you don't understand! I've been lusting after this pan for ages but I just couldn't bring myself to fork over the nearly $40 to scratch this particular itch. I was so very excited when I saw it sitting under a table at the back of the store

...noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-30363264333808688852008-02-10T22:17:00.000-08:002008-02-11T01:01:47.139-08:00

Well, I ate and did my laundry and even did pilates. Now I feel like shit. I also just read my previous post and I'd like to know who I was trying to kid. Sure, it was a sunshiney day and yes, I did enjoy buying the dresses and yes, my trip to Capers was successful. My cab driver was nice and he did accuse me of being spiritual and friendly -- but still, I spent the day alone. And I don't like

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-81627325214711971452008-02-10T17:31:00.000-08:002008-02-10T18:15:08.366-08:00

Dear whomever it may concern,Today was kind of a wonderful day. I woke up at noon sporting a mild but not unpleasant hang over. Feeling like a fun-loving teenager, I threw on whatever was on the floor, washed off last night's party make-up and headed out the door into the lovely sunshiney day.I bought one of those super buzzy (and truly unhealthy) energy drinks and hit the busy sidewalks. I live

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-61135957854068817142008-02-07T19:23:00.000-08:002008-02-07T20:39:10.098-08:00

Okay, so I just got back from the doctor and what an eventful visit it was! First, I got a pretty heavy scolding for allowing my asthma to go so long unchecked. APPARENTLY, I should only be using my inhaler once a week rather than twice a day plus a double-shot nightcap. After listening to my lungs there was talk of hospitalization, unless I swore to go back on a steroid ASAP. So, I walked out of

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-91480199140997014722008-02-07T12:33:00.000-08:002008-02-07T12:50:58.120-08:00

Great. I MIGHT be sick! I can't tell if I'm being tormented by allergies, a head cold or a nasty cocktail of the two. All I know is that my head hurts and I'm feeling more asthmatic than ever. I need to lie on a cool sterile pillow and have my hair stroked...forever. Man, that would be good.But the good Lord has bigger plans for me. Instead I have hours and hours of CMS clean-up to do and a

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-20296900117820003772008-02-06T19:38:00.000-08:002008-02-06T21:40:34.455-08:00

Golly, gosh, darn -- my aching allergies! I don't know what's going on, but my nose is swollen from all the constant agitation. I nearly clawed it off my face this morning. I've had three showers today because the only place I feel like a normal human is under water. I guess this is the universe paying me back for all my year-of-the-rat show-offery. Well, just never you mind none. It will take

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-23903135235314055502008-02-05T18:19:00.000-08:002008-02-05T21:45:57.488-08:00

Word up, my fellow rats! This is our year to make some noise! And I don't mind saying that me and my rat brethren are kind of awesome. I mean, just check us out:Characteristics:Smart, Magnetic, Well-liked, Affable, Quick-witted, Surreptitious, Selfish, Protective, CalculatingRats are beautiful people with magnetic personalities. The Rat herself can't help but notice the admiration she receives

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-3762172230994979942008-02-02T10:07:00.000-08:002008-02-02T10:32:09.903-08:00

For the past week I've been the subject of a 'reality' TV show. In a nutshell, the storyline is how I go from financial fuck up to Mz Money Bags. It's been a pretty interesting process and I've learned a lot. Like, you should clean your bathroom under the brightest fluorescent lights you can find because the camera crew will shine light brighter (and hotter) than the sun in there, illuminating

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-71406243533619147812008-01-28T14:19:00.000-08:002008-01-31T19:20:47.098-08:00

A couple of days ago, while I was waiting for my train, I got suckered into participating in a transit survey. A tired looking older woman asked me to map out my route from home to my end destination. Now, if you know me in real life and you've ever had to ask me for directions or watched me try to pretend that I know which way is north, south or east -- you know, that I'm hopelessly stupid about

...noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-24375930288747081942008-01-22T22:33:00.000-08:002008-01-22T22:39:25.496-08:00

Here's a mind fuck for you: I graduated from high school 18 YEARS AGO! Is that not seriously messed up? I graduated a whole adult ago. That means I lost my virginity 19 years ago. I have been having sex (with someone other than myself) for almost 2 decades! I remember when I couldn't even fathom using the words "twenty years ago" and not be referring to the toddler years. I'm glad I didn't

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-15218125940053502092008-01-08T22:32:00.000-08:002008-01-08T22:38:16.287-08:00

You know who when you're planning something special for someone...like, say a surprise... And you're jumping through all sorts of hoops to make it happen and then that someone starts acting like a jerk and you start to feel reallllly hard done by-- because, after all, you are going through all this trouble to do something nice. And you really want to call everything off, because that's the only

...noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-40492314850433766242008-01-07T00:35:00.000-08:002008-01-07T00:48:29.366-08:00

It's the second week of January and I'm starting to suspect that 2008 may be equally as underwhelming as 2007 -- at least in some areas of my life. Oh, I know that's not the can-do attitude you've all come to expect from me... but, yeah...maybe...you never know...Lashity, lash, lash...out. Passive aggressive mascara. An orgy of ellipses. Really, what's the point? Let us hop, skip and jump to more

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-83210965452404015622007-12-13T00:01:00.000-08:002007-12-13T00:29:21.000-08:00

Daily log: Wednesday, Dec. 12th, 2007woke up (6:00 a.m.)went back to sleep (6:01 a.m.)woke up (6:08 a.m.)6 snooze sessions later, stumbled out of bed into the showerblow dried and hot rollered my hair into a really kickass hair doadmired perfect hairlooked closer and noticed gigantic zit on my chinrubbed my eyes, convinced that i must have had a wad of inflamed flesh-coloured gum stuck on my

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-55801670642849629342007-12-11T17:35:00.000-08:002007-12-11T17:56:38.060-08:00

Your emotions can lure you off track today, so don't express everything you feel. Usually this wouldn't be a problem for you cautious Crabs, but others could push your buttons, causing you to react without thinking. Being truthful is the best policy, but there is no reason to upset someone just so you can feel self-righteousPfffft. That's what I have to say about that. My buttons are pushed and I

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-26532588447746804632007-10-29T19:59:00.000-07:002007-10-29T20:05:16.134-07:00

Okay, I need a scooter. I cannot handle the commute to work anymore. I don't have a driver's license and it is becoming more and more obvious that I never will. It takes me an hour and change to get to work in the morning - 1 bus and 2 skytrains - and an hour and a half to get home. I simply cannot tolerate the bus anymore. I can't. Seriously. Don't make me.If you know anyone who is selling a

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-52662019344516608622007-10-22T20:30:00.000-07:002007-10-22T20:40:32.743-07:00

To the woman in the Kelly green trenchcoat on the #99 bus this afternoon:I hate you. Really, I do. I hate how you talked on your cellphone and took up two seats -- one for your own useless self and the other for your drycleaning. The bus was packed. An older, frailer woman had to stand beside your shitty plastic-coated Gapwear. Everyone gave you dirty looks. You knew that everyone on that bus

...noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-87353550157585404392007-09-21T10:10:00.000-07:002007-09-21T11:30:55.838-07:00

I have a stomach ache and it sucks. I just bet you were thinking maybe it's the kind of stomach ache that's fun and stuff -- but, I'm here to tell you it isn't. I've been suffering -- SUFFERING -- for four days now. I was worried that I ate a poisonous mushroom as I did go on a monster wild mushroom hunt last weekend and I did stuff myself with delicious mounds of fresh-picked chanterelles. But I

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-53374322630204217852007-09-19T20:44:00.000-07:002007-09-19T21:38:45.864-07:00

Danger! Danger! High Voltage!When we touch, When we kissDanger! Danger! High Voltage!When we touch, when we kissWhen we touch~ Electric SixThe other day, as I was walking along busy Davie Street, my knuckles grazed those of a passerby. It was electric. From fingertips to elbow -- my skin was all a-tingle. It was such a bizarre sensation and honestly, non-sexual. Well, non-sexual in the way that I

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-90861820313841176002007-09-12T22:12:00.000-07:002007-09-12T22:13:57.131-07:00

Basil smells a bit like cat pee. BUT basil is quite delicious. Go figure.Miss me?

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-47927470684140286522007-07-02T09:05:00.000-07:002007-07-02T10:02:29.215-07:00

Good morning, poppets. I've been avoiding this place for some time now because I find it difficult to restrain myself. A lot has been going on in the real world and when I come here I tend to rant and rave about it all. And I haven't wanted to do that. I can liken the last couple of months to the sensation of walking in a half-crouch through a verrrrry long tunnel that twists and turns like a

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-85583318367368748512007-06-30T18:43:00.001-07:002007-06-30T18:46:26.891-07:00

Daschund SwimPosted Jun 14, 2007Archie, a double dapple daschund, spends most days in his pool, trotting the summer away.

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-29854153210185053882007-06-27T11:30:00.002-07:002007-06-27T11:31:27.412-07:00

Creating a healthy balance between your emotional needs and what you must do at work seems difficult now. With the Moon in your 6th House of Healthy Living, it's crucial that you stick to your workout regimen today. If you haven't been exercising, it's a perfect time to start a new program. You will have more energy if you spend more time on yourself.Har dee fucking har har.I'm back in town.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-36600432601556804842007-06-16T01:30:00.001-07:002007-06-16T01:35:34.805-07:00

I love this and want one in every colour. Oh, to be wealthy...and slim... and young.

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-21948236303724296952007-06-12T01:13:00.000-07:002007-06-12T01:16:00.057-07:00

Dear strikingly beautiful Cancer,You may be ready to rely on your friends today, but they might want to help you in ways that are different from what you prefer. Unfortunately, your rigidity can get in the way of useful assistance. Instead of putting up walls because you don't want anyone to know about your insecurities, just tell the truth exactly as you perceive it. You may be surprised by how

...noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-73963520440950524452007-06-09T22:28:00.000-07:002007-06-09T23:19:06.016-07:00

I forgot that I had forgotten about this site. I find most of these posts funny. Tonight I enjoyed this one most of all. But even though it's a joke, I'm jealous. I mean, I could do with a little Kraftwerk myself. Furilla.I'm tired. Threadbare. I'd like to disengage indefinitely.

...noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-22425606802810440032007-06-07T21:09:00.000-07:002007-06-08T01:06:04.377-07:00

Some kind soul who goes by the name "anonymous" recommended that I listen to The Blow to cheer myself up. Solid advice. Several of their songs are in heavy rotation on the old nano... But this one song has me most smitten. It's a little sad but not really... Maybe it's about what happens when silly Dutch translations become more than they were meant to be. True Affection

...noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-25575297450639161162007-06-07T13:41:00.000-07:002007-06-08T13:31:19.146-07:00

Last night I went to see CSS at Richards and I'm happy to report I enjoyed myself a whole lot. The opening band cancelled (yay) and the show was super energetic and fun. No one seemed to take themselves too seriously and that's pretty fucking amazing considering the off-the-chart hip factor in the joint.Some point-form observations (sorry, point-form is all I'm really capable these days)- there

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-21968680473354333832007-06-06T09:15:00.000-07:002007-06-06T10:08:33.163-07:00

no make-up, no hairUm, it's June right? Could someone please explain that to my raw frozen fingers? I just returned from a long bike ride. Biking in the rain is exhilarating, sure... and I won't pretend that I didn't enjoy it a little bit... But, come on. I thought we'd moved past all this.In other news, it appears that I've cut all my hair off. I go between hating it and not giving a shit.In

...noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-90504545058375291522007-06-03T17:30:00.001-07:002007-06-03T17:30:40.528-07:00

Your attention to detail can get in the way of what must happen now. Although it could take a leap of faith to leave loose ends untied, this will work out for the best. The more energy you put into specifics, the greater the demands become on your time. So step back to see the whole picture before deciding how to proceed.Super fun.

...noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062913.post-41746491769869543222007-06-02T15:05:00.001-07:002007-06-02T15:14:08.236-07:00

This is the dress I treated myself to. Guess how much. Really... guess! Well, it's from the spring 2007 collection and it sells in stores for $300 US... and I paid $40. Yes, it's true. No, you're not dreaming. Yes, I'm the best. And yes, I look EGGS-actly like the model does in this dress, minus her thick thighs and homely face. Poor dear.

...noreply@blogger.com1