(a bundle of posts from the now defunct slushpile)

November 26, 2003
spinning head

i've really done it now.
have i done the right thing?
i honestly don't know right now.
i feel sick.
it is the holidays - what have i done?
but to answer any other way would be so unfair to those who deserve so much better.
i am afraid.
and the guilt is worming.
i will lose much.

Posted at 02:56 am



November 24, 2003
party pooper

i have to take down the ugly photo of the sister and me.
she is not happy.
just a few hours more.
she told me she looks like a troll - but i think she looks nice.
i'm the one who looks like an FAS sufferer.

Posted at 12:07 pm



ow

i am so broke.
i pinched a power bar from 7-11
now i have a terrible stomach ache.
stupid karma.

Posted at 12:05 pm



November 23, 2003
the best westerns

photo removed due to the family ties that bind - i'll upload a different ugly photo later
i have my dad's features, my sister is my mother incarnate

i am just a little bit proud of myself as i post this rather unflattering photo of myself. especially when my sister looks great. it's almost heroic of me.
but it is to prove a point to the asshole who insists my sister and i look like twins.
we look nothing alike. and this particular photo is proof positive.

plus, the sister will be annoyed that i've posted a photo of her.
really, it's win/win all around.

Posted at 08:06 pm



whatever are you going on about?

i am afraid i will catch cold.
i have no symptoms. it is just a fear.


at the main

went to see my sister's bf and another friend play at 'the main' last night.
it was great.
the sister's bf wrote and played a song for her.
it was very touching.
and i say this with absolutely no malice nor sarcasm.
it was lovely. the room was lit beautifully and she looked so happy.
there is just something about a boy and a guitar.
seizes those heartstrings and knots them up.
one song he wrote about the passing of his father nearly killed me.
heartbreaking lyrics and many several pints of pil make for a weepy combination.



romance

experienced a weird moment, though.
at one point i felt an overwhelming urge to do something.
i don't know what.
of course i did nothing.
rather, i waited for the feeling to pass or at least develop into an indication for action.
instead it waned and i continued to sit there and observe its passing.
painful and desperate sensation.
bloody odd - from start to finish this lasted maybe 30 seconds.
left me feeling depressed for a bit.
methinks i may be a bit insane.
or in the very least - compusively self-indulgent.

yesterDAY - went to the elbow room for breakfast. it was very very good.
expensive though.
it was my first time.
such a fucking tourist, you know.

i am very poor now.
i have thirty dollars lining my pockets until payday.
why? what is it with me and munney, hunny?
i would like to be a kept woman.
credit cards, nice underthings and other trappings.
and at what cost to me? sex on demand.
i can think of worse ways to fritter away a day.

ambitious me.



camera whore with ouzo candy and beer

Posted at 11:44 am


November 21, 2003
fur-iday

i'm on the mend!
we have reached a stage where lipstick as camouflage is once again an option.
self-esteem is slowly crawling back up with each scabbing.
disgustingly wonderful.

not going in to work today.
had a good night last night.

looking forward to the weekend.
next weekend is my friend's birthday and the cbc xmas party.
i am...optimistic?


Posted at 12:08 pm