i was not here.

twas a no-good-very-bad day.
went to superstore - apocalyptic.
being in that evil place i could feel sexism, ageism, racism - all the nasty -isms - threatening to overcome me.
31 years of a relatively pc upbringing compromised by the sheer filthy humanity of the place.
oh, it was so horrible.
almost made me reconsider the scorn i feel for designer shopping stores. sure, urban fare is insufferable, but at least you don't have the great unwashed breathing down the back of your shirt while gouging your heels with wheels.
and i could scarcely afford to pay for the groceries.
there was a terrifying moment when i thought i didn't have enough money...
thankfully, i found another $20 in my wallet.
i have $15 until payday.
oh me and my ways!

on the skytrain ride home from the miserable grocery shop,
i sat across from this pretty woman who was sandwiched between her two hyper sons.
she wore the deadest expression.
the boys were going through her purse, flicking her hair, shoving each other - basically being typically rotten little kids, as kids are prone to be.
from metrotown to columbia, she never once looked at them. she just stared out the window.
it was so sad. i wanted to grab her and make a run for it at the next station.
take her out and get her drunk. tell her she has really nice hair and gorgeous eyes.
that those two little boys may have snagged some of her dna, but they hadn't stolen everything from her.
don't get me wrong - this has nothing to do with the children. i'm willing to bet she has moments when she adores them.
but, that wasn't today.

on a happier note - i have a new online addiction.
torrent trading!
i have downloaded heaps and oodles of tracks today.
i pinched from suprnova.org, but there are lots of trading sites.
got me a little bright eyes, some outkast, the best of new order and a bit o' wilco.
ever so much better than kazaa.

i have packed a lunch for tomorrow.
spinach.
i have to make a doctor's appt. - it's been 4 yrs.
so, i have 4 yrs of neglect to make up for in a week.
i cannot face my doctor like this.