i rarely slush anymore.
terrible.
i no longer have a computer at home...
i mention this daily - so get used to it.

so, what do you think about love?
i think about it often lately.
i have developed a theory.
well more of an over-thought observation.
i think that once you tell someone you love them,
you begin to convince yourself that it is so.
that by saying the words - you make it real.
because once you tell someone you love them -
and they return your affections,
you start saying it all the time...
you feel compelled to say it.
and so you convince yourself and your victim that this thought that
was only rattling around in your head, perhaps moments previous,
is the real deal.

now, im not saying this is a bad thing.
just interesting.
what if you never say it?
and how often is love declared out of a misplaced sense of duty,
or more sweetly, when you feel a gush of affection you can't contain?
but, then again...what's the big deal?
i love many people.
it doesn't change much.

i have been remembering the first time i told a fellow i loved him.
it seemed such a heavy thing.
like signing a contract. grave. important.
frightening.

i wonder if i still feel the same way?