i woke up cooking in hot dry patch of sun.
i must have kicked open my blinds in my sleep
(indicates how very small my apartment is)

i figured it would be unbearably hot,
and it is out in the full sun,
but here, at my place, a lovely breeze is skipping through.

i went out for a bit today,
but a trip to the bank convinced me to scurry home.
bad news, of course.

i'm even poorer than i imagined.
and so i made a few careful purchases
(green beans and water) which left me with $5 for laundry.
i had entertained the idea of going out tonight.
funny me.

i will have to visit the loan sharks to keep me in
food and bus fare next week.
bills are getting chubby.

it's been an expensive past 2 weeks.
"holidays", weddings and birthdays galore.

my birthday is steamrolling toward me
i always have shitty birthdays -
very much like my valentine celebrations.
i may just run away for the day.
maybe take the train to seattle.
hide out. avoid disappointment.

i go for a tattoo consultation on wednesday.
i was intending to book 3 hours and get a lot done -
but recent financial devastation will force me to curb my enthusiasm.
i think i can swing an hour.
so, it will take longer to complete it.
i am impatient.

you know, despite myself -
i'm having a nice day.
i don't really hate the sun as much as i think i do.
if the thought of putting on a bathing suit
didn't horrify me so much, i would almost consider
going to a beach.
gasp. shut yo mouth.

"relax, don't think about the way i treat you."