It's late. I am tired. And so a token post to fill space and time:

I returned to work last week. I have been busy. There have been scheduling nightmares and personal anxieties. Suffering a bit from that early-thirties sands through the hourglass panic. I want to double my wage before I turn 40. I want to live in a home. Yes, a home. With a kitchen and a place for live foliage. I want to have dinner parties. I want to travel. I want to take care of the horrific dental work that awaits me. I want to go on a proper vacation. I want to go camping. I want to go canoeing. I want to go buy nice new sheets, a feather duvet, good pillows and - fuck it - a bed while I'm at it. I want to get my first pedicure and my second manicure. I want to have flowers delivered to me so I can pretend to hate all the attention. I want to find my best chocolate-chip cookie recipe that was lost early last year. I need to dye the grey hairs away - go a shade darker for winter. I want to find a good pair of jeans that give me an ass. I need to go get my eyes tested and pick out just the right pair of porno-librarian frames. I want to buy some art. I want to take all my excess belongings to the women's shelter - including the piles of good stuff I keep saving for the elusive skinny days. I want to learn to play the guitar and to speak German and Italian. I want to learn how to use Photoshop properly. I want to avoid obscurity as I wallow in it. I want to go to a really good party. I want to be swept off my feet. I want to try every drug I've ever heard of once (just before I die, on my deathbed will do). I want to be able to remember the titles of my favourite books/songs/political movements/etc. when I'm conversing and not after. I want to be trustworthy. I want to be desireable to some and frightening to others. I want to pay my phone bill before I get cut off. I want to learn to drive. I want to go to Seattle, stay at the Ace and buy cut flowers at the market. I want to really really enjoy a chocolate bar again. I want to go to sleep.

I want to get a dry-erase board so I can write this shit down.

Oh, and I went to see a good film today. Grey and beautiful, funny and tragic: The Return