Sunday, November 28, 2004

a very Hilton Christmas party

The day started off fairly well, although a bit early-ish in the morning. I got a good haircut and met my sister and mother for lunch. And then I thought it would be fun to go try on fancy holiday clothes. Horrifying. Apparently, sometime recently, an aging hideous thirty-two-year-old woman moved in under my clothes. Everything I put on looked terrible. A dress I tried on a week and a half ago and loved was as snug as a bug (in a really bad way).

Amazingly enough, the only clothes that did me any justice were from the Hilton endorsed Guess store. It's weird. Even though I looked flabby and disgusting in many of the sophisticated things I tried on elsewhere - the super-slutty, skimpy Guess dresses looked alright. In particular, I fell for a cut up-to-here, scooped down-to-there sequined confection (shown above). Everyone agreed it looked smashing. And it was $350. I need to spend for a CBC Christmas party - not prom. So, not having even half that amount of cash, I carried on.

Each shop we visited made me loathe myself just a wee bit more. The only not-so-awful experience was when out of desperation I tried on a pair of Seven jeans. While they did raise my self-esteem - they looked fucking hot - they were $265. So, I fell a little in love with my ass again and decided that maybe, just maybe, I would allow myself to be naked with the lights on sometime...eventually. But, the denims were so insanely out of my price range, I had to ban them to the corner of my mind where I live in a three bedroom penthouse apartment, have a kick-ass job and where everybody loves me. I think they'll be happy there.

love thyself

To celebrate this adventure in self-revulsion I ate too much pizza and gorged on homemade chocolate chip cookies. Feeling excellent. Oh well, no big deal. Tomorrow I will get some fresh air and toss out the tempting left-over pizza. I will really watch my crap intake for the week and look decent for next week's holiday functions.

Did I really just write several paragraphs about feeling fat and unloved? Wow. A new low around here. I am proud of myself. My mother always advised me against "being different".

Perhaps next time - something a bit more...not so tragical.


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