In other news, I caved and against my rare good judgement I went and got a last-minute hair-cut. Wow, do I hate it. I mean, wow. I won't even go into the details, but rest assured I look significantly homelier than I did before. Excellent.

There is much I should be doing right now. Things like looking for a job, finding a place to live, shaving my head... And yet, I choose to do nothing. It's working out great! What I want most is to climb into bed and stay there until someone comes a long and fixes all this shit for me. Is that so very much to ask?

Anyone watch Hell's Kitchen last night? I'm was fostering a wee crush on the tattooed Michael and then wouldn't you know it... they reveal the late-night conversations he has with himself. He refers to himself in the third person, as in, "Michael hasn't been giving it his all." Super creepy, right? Now the only reason I watch is the slight chance that someone will kick the living shit out of Chef Ramsay. And, I don't want to know if he's really a good fellow in "real life". I can already see that. I just don't want to be reminded of it, alright? Give me scripted reality or give me death.

Right, I also need to undertake a new starvation project. I look several months pregnant. It's hereditary, you see. Not pregnancy, but skinny legs propping up apple-shaped bodies. Both my mom and my dad have this body type. So, as soon as I start overeating I begin to look knocked up. This morning I was tempted to grip my lower back and guilt someone in to giving me their seat on the bus. Tis a sad state of affairs, I'm telling you.