Fresh Pepper

this is funny shit... nothing brings a smile to my pallid face like a little fresh pepper:


An open letter to my friend who sent me on a blind date last night:

Dear Friend:

Are you insane?

That girl looked like a model. She was one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in real life. Don't you know how the league system works?

I was sitting in the restaurant actually feeling bad that I was wasting this girl's time. People at other tables were murmuring, "He must be rich or have a gigantic penis." I think the waiter thought I had a gun pointed at her under the table -- he looked directly at her and asked in a low voice, "IS EVERYTHING OK HERE?"

When I went to the men's room after the main course, I didn't expect her to still be at the table when I got back.

I didn't even try to kiss her at the end of the night because I just didn't think it would be fair.

Let's recap Fresh's life so we can get this right next time: Fresh makes decent money. Fresh lives in his parents' basement. Fresh is not that bright. Fresh is not eloquent and tends to use phrases like "cock ring" and "Astroglide" in casual conversation with your family.

But thanks anyway,
Fresh