Please, Ed... water...please?

c'mon, someone make this into a tshirt for me


Well, well, well...

It's just around midnight and my lungs feel shallow and I'm way too tired to go to bed. Tonight I ate three caramels and while they were delicious, my mouth feels gritty with some weird sugar/chemcial aftertaste. I'm still on my couch- in a towel. I had a bath a couple of hours ago and meant only to spend a few minutes in front of the tv to check the election results. Now, I have a tweed imprint on my ass where the towel didn't quite cover. I feel exhausted from drifting in and out of a sugar-induced coma and I'm so thirsty.

When did Ed McMahon lose all the weight? He's selling something or other for the old folk right this moment on the teevee. I never liked him, but now I think maybe I just didn't get him. I think I was maybe too young. I used to find his chuckling embarrassing now I wish he looked more like that hefty, jolly, pinky ring-wearing guy I remember from the Tonight Show.

But I digress...or stall...

I should go get some water, brush my teeth and dream about full lung capacity. My landlord smokes and my apartment smells like a cheap motel, minus that good sex smell. Like a fine parfum without it's top note - it just sucks.