Insecurity is the new arrogance

I've been enjoying a brief bout of post-depression mania for the last couple of days. It's been great. The dishes have been washed after each meal, I had a friend over for dinner and cooked up a storm, I've been making homemade smoothies every morning and I organized all my papers and bought supplies to begin my freelance career in earnest.

See, the thing is, nothing good can come from anything earnest. As I unpacked my pocket dividers and paper protectors and dug around for a binder I could feel the over-bright, leg-jittering chemicals that have been blasting through my brain slowly begin to liquify and pool somewhere in the base of my skull. I tried to ignore it, but this isn't child's play, dont you know? If you ignore the ebb... Well, you're fucking kidding yourself, is all.

Mind you, it is nearly 2 am and I'm not even remotely tired, so maybe the good feeling will stay with me, just a little longer. It would be mighty white of it to stick around long enough for me to make my June 19th deadline. Yeah, that would be nice. It'sjustathousandwordsanditsthebreakI'vebeenwaitingfor.

I'll be 34 in a month. I crave intimacy like crack - no, like Hobnobs. Man, I love Hobnobs.

You know, I'm really very ambitious.

What?