Thursday, June 15, 2006

the tabloids have gone a "little far" with me lately

I know what I'm doing tonight.

We will discuss this later.

9:15 pm (first commercial break): Oh. My. God. She did her own makeup. She showed her business while crossing and uncrossing her legs. The gum! The bangs! The breasts! This is very satisfying.

9:27 pm (second commercial break): I am worried that one of her false eyelashes will fall off, especially with all the direct eyecontact she's avoiding. When Matt (is anyone else distracted by the fact that he's not wearing socks?) asks her a question about her marriage she cannot look him in the eye. However, I believe her when she insists that Kevin is simple. I can't comment on the awesomeness of his heart. If the pre-Federline clips are to be believed, she was kinda cute when she was young.

9:37 pm (third -already!- commercial break): Britney insists, "I am NOT a bible belt." Britney misunderstands Matt's questions from time to time. Britney abuses air quotes. Britney watches home makeover shows... I think.

9:50 pm (fourth -yawn- commercial break): When asked about driving with her baby on her lap, Britney explains,"We're country." Britney confides that the doctors acted "really funny" with her when she took her baby to the hospital after he fell out of a highchair. Then her voice dropped a whole bunch of octaves for no reason that I can figure out. Bumpy NY roads and paparazzi will make you drop your baby. It is my opinion that carrying a beverage and wearing pants that are too long may also contribute to the near dropping of a baby. Britney says that accidents happen and that her brother got into 4 motorcycle accidents when he was 14. So, take that. Her fingernails are partially painted the colour "Bruise". Oh, poor Britney just wants people to leave her alone. She is crying and now I feel kind of sorry for her. Damn her for being a human being with real feelings.

10:00 pm (it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings -oh, wait. it's over) Goldie Hawn is brilliant. Britney will be 25. She doesn't follow Kabbalah like "those people do". Her baby is her religion. This sounds like a religion I can get behind. Britney's bangs are shaking my new found faith. Matt wants to know what we think. Have the paparazzi gone too far? Oh, probably. I'm bored.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

satisfying? misery?

6/15/2006 9:53 PM  
Anonymous nadina said...

I was wondering what was going on with the eyelashes.Thanks for clearing that up. I started to get all judgmental on her hickness then I saw the interviewer was not wearing sox and I thought..oh ,yulk --a little voice in my head said who am I to judge. Frankly it is a pet pev``` dress shoes with no sox is fugly

6/16/2006 8:30 AM  
Blogger amanda said...

"I'm" so relieved to "hear" that "Kevney" or "Federspears" or "whatever" they "call" themselves "are" awesome. I love to "use" random "air quotes" too, Britney.
In addition to her "baby" and husband, I "was" also touched to hear Britney "say" she loved "money." God bless her, even if she isn't a Bible belt.

6/16/2006 8:47 AM  

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