Wednesday, October 18, 2006

all good things must end

By the year 3000 human beings will have evolved into tall, toffee-coloured people with even features, shiny hair, big, defined muscles and great big square jaws for the gentleman and pert breasts and lighter skin for the ladies - with a 120-year lifespan. Word on the street is that the fellows will all look like the Rock and the wimmen will be sporting a Beyonce look.

That is, if you're one of the lucky ones. The rest of us will be short and squat, with uneven features, droopy breasts and dull frizzy hair. We'll be less intelligent than our glossy superiors and we'll spend most our lives serving the upper class.

As you can see, I already know what camp my lineage will wind up in. Needless to say, I'm glad I'll be dead and gone by then. Besides, the Rock's big white teeth scare me and I'm seriously not interested in living long enough to see my hair get any frizzier than it already is.

On the bright side, these futuristic super-foxes will burn out soon enough. Thanks to a heavy reliance on technology their brains will go soft and their social skills will suffer. Humans will lose the ability to communicate and interact and emotions will recede - along with their chins! Yes, it's true!

Spoiled by gadgets designed to meet their every need, they could come to resemble domesticated animals. Social skills, such as communicating and interacting with others, could be lost, along with emotions such as love, sympathy, trust and respect. Humans would become less able to care for others, or perform in teams. Physically, they would start to appear more juvenile. Chins would recede, as a result of having to chew less on processed food.

Vengeance will come, my thick-set and homely sons and daughters! It will come.


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