last chance for romance

Today, like most days, kind of sucked. There were good times - I enjoyed an interesting phone call that was riddled with all kinds of flattering and kind words aimed at yours truly. And there were bad times - every moment before and after that phone call.

I feel deeply unsettled. I can't eat - which really sucks, because I prepared an absolutely delicious bowl of guacamole tonight. How do I know it was delicious? Well, I tasted it - it's not like I'm on a hunger strike.

I served up a very scaled-back Oscar party meal and fun was had by one. I couldn't really enjoy myself due to the squirming of my guts. When I am upset my stomach turns on me. Good one. Yeah. But, it really does. I get indigestion and the thought of food makes we want to die. The only good thing about this is that I can drop a few pounds. I overeat when I'm bored and depressed, I lose my appetite completely when I'm stressed and unhappy. At this rate, I ought to be able to wear jeans again in no time.

It's a long lonely lonely lonely time. I can't seem to find a nice place with the person I want to most. I've neglected my friends for too long to easily assimilate back into their fold and honestly, I don't really feel like it. I'm tangled up in the sheets. I'm annoyed with myself. I can sense my own neediness and it's like wearing wet shoes. I just want to be easy - in every sense of the word.

I'm tired but I can't sleep. I need the ump to call me safe.