Saturday, March 31, 2007

popcorn hurts

Help me, I'm in human hating mode again. Truly, people disgust me. And yes, I am well aware that this is merely a symptom of self-loathing...etc and so on. But, let me tell you - while I do indeed take issue with myself - I know for a fact that other people are much more detestable.

Just last night I went to a movie and of course I wound up sandwiched between two sets of popcorn-munching couples. If you don't already know, I think popcorn should be banned from movie theatres. And if you're one of those "popcorn is part of the experience people" and this makes you hate me, then I guess we're even-steven. Popcorn - once chewed- smells like methane gas. The sound of popcorn being mashed between teeth makes my soul shrink and I won't even discuss the noise made by greedy fingers clenching and clutching for greasy palmfuls of Styrofoamed corn... The whole thing makes me sick.

Happy place...happy place... Okay, where was I? Oh yes, the movie. Well the popcorn people started to really distract me from the previews, which is annoying because I quite enjoy the previews. They help me make the transition from real world to celluloid world.

The theatre is dark and there are pictures on the screen. This means that as a moviegoer you should play your part and watch. But, no - the popcorn munchers had other ideas - they were going to chit-chat through the previews. Chat, chomp, chat, giggle, chomp, chomp, mmph, chat. With each offensive utterance I felt more and more murderous. At one point I attempted to engage my companion in my misanthropy, but he was having none of it. He deemed me ridiculous and advised me to relax. If only it were that easy.

By the time the feature presentation appeared I was barely clinging to sanity. Thankfully the film was so intense that I was absorbed in the story pretty much from the get-go. I quickly forgot about my tormentors although I did make a mental note to give them the stinkeye once the lights were up again.

The movie was wonderful. It was beautiful and brutal at the same time and I was so thoroughly transported that I forgot about the popcorn people until we got to the car. And when I remembered, I felt a bit ashamed. The experience was similar to surgery or childbirth - it's unbearable at the time, but you heal quickly and your mind and body forgets the trauma. Without this, I suppose there would be no children, people would run in fear of doctors and I would be very lonely.


Anonymous kman said...

Hey! What was that movie?

3/31/2007 8:30 PM  
Anonymous the easter bunny said...

dont go to a movie on friday or saturday evening for gawds sake.

4/01/2007 6:33 AM  
Anonymous nadina said...

300 sounds like...
you made me laught ,not laughting at you just you know your stories.

4/01/2007 11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you don't post enough... :)

4/01/2007 12:37 PM  
Anonymous havana said...

i just fell in love with you all over again!

4/02/2007 6:49 PM  

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