Thursday, May 31, 2007

Manhattan Stories in Pointform

Okay, so I ran away to NYC for a bit and a half... here are a few observations made over the past 4-5 days:
  • when embarking on a last-minute vacation to "get your mind off of things" do NOT read The Unbearable Lightness of Being on the plane. You will probably cry.
  • maps are hard to read
  • just because someone photocopied a colourful sign of a piggy bank reading "Tips would be very much appreciated" does not mean that you have to tip them $5
  • it is easy to get on the wrong subway line. maps are hard to read.
  • in NYC handsome Greek hair stylists can cut all your hair off and you really won't mind all that much...due to the handsomeness and the excellent head massage.
  • some people in NYC are very friendly and helpful
  • some people in NYC are not very friendly and helpful
  • shopping is hella good and cheap
  • don't go to sleep with almond oil on your legs or you will ruin your friends favourite sheets
  • stay off of the internet when trying to "get your mind of off things". You will NEVER like what you find.
  • expect things to go wrong when you decide to be spontaneous -- as in, you may not be able to access the control panel to the website that you have to update because it is your job and you really need to get paid to finance your insane trip
  • NYC is a gorgeous city
  • it is very hot this time of year in NYC
  • Coney Island is cool, but you should only go there in high spirits
  • big chairs and giant novelty beer bottles are ALWAYS good for a laugh
  • a friend in the middle can still be a good friend indeed
  • hearing things put into perspective by friend in the middle is painful, but discovering the depth of one's delusions after listening to friend in the middle = priceless
  • but by the grace of God and one day at a time is solid advice
  • getting scared straight worked for one whole night... for a blissful few hours my mind was officially "off of things"
  • despite myself I had a great time during the days ... nights were another story
  • never admit you have strong hands to a woman whose body has been broken on the inside due to a terrible computer desk configuration or you will wind up giving a massage until the cows come home...or at least for the duration of an episode of Extras.
  • men in NYC like to give a lady a compliment
  • a coconut cream doughnut from the Doughnut Plant will make you wish you could have sex with doughnuts
  • while in NYC my appetite went into remission... (minus the doughnut!) and isn't showing any sign of return. It is nearly 2 PM and I haven't a thought for food. This can't be healthy, but my jeans say otherwise. Let us roll with this for a while...
  • if you say aloud "I'd really like to find a pair of shoes before I leave." you probably won't, but you will find a very cool designer dress for practically free
  • witnessing friend find little love notes hidden throughout her apartment is both lovely and heartbreaking. Renews one's faith in love and romance and induces great waves of self-pity all at once.
  • Urban Outfitters is outfitted with piles of shit. I'm serious -- what a junk heap. H&M, on the other hand... better. Loehmann's was a gold mine.
  • never buy sunglasses in Canada ($26 RayBans in the U. S &A)
  • going to NYC and shopping is expensive -- especially for someone with no money. reality is the worst hangover
  • anxiety is a bitch and that bitch will keep the Sandman away from you with the promise of handjobs, good cooking and NSA good times.
  • without sleep you make stupid decisions like going to La Guardia for fun only to take a shuttle to JFK to wait 12 hours before your flight leaves instead of taking in the sights because you fear that you will just curl into a ball and start weeping from the exhaustion and stress of it all
  • catching the bus in Harlem and taking up a lot of room with a massive suitcase makes you very unpopular
  • the people on the bus in Harlem are not shy about expressing their displeasure over your very large suitcase
  • there is NOTHING to do at JFK and 12 hours there is not all that much fun
  • happy couples in airports are very off-putting
  • Heineken Light is available not only in the US but also at the airport. Thank. God.
  • you can meet people more miserable than you if you spend 10 hours + at JFK
  • sometimes you can spend several hours with an attractive stranger and not wind up having sex with him
  • Cathay still serves alcohol. For free. I like Cathay and I like the chardonnay they serve enough not to spit it out.
  • don't be greedy and drink 2 glasses of wine on your return flight. Combined with the 2 Heineken Lights, why that's 4 drinks and you know full well that you are a 2-drink-drunk at best. Upon arrival you will be tired and emotional and the realization that no one is meeting you at the airport may just overwhelm you. This can make for a depressing cab ride home.
  • I now have resolve. Paper-thin, but resolve nonetheless
  • I will make plans to go back to NYC under happier conditions and to make sure I get tickets to see Conan etc and so on
I may think of more to say, but I kind of doubt it. I will tell you this much -- I wish I didn't have to return to Vancouver. A pointless thing to say, but there you have it nonetheless.

3 Comments:

Anonymous A Really Handsome Stranger said...

Oh no! You have it all wrong! You should *always* have sex with handsome strangers after you've spent a few hours with them. Trust me on this.

And on a totally unrelated subject: We don't know each other and I happen to have a few hours free tomorrow...

This was an excellent read. Thank

5/31/2007 7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Allow me to be the first to welcome you back to the city you don't want to be in! Now, doesn't that feel good?

Please tell more about the Greek massage.

5/31/2007 8:29 PM  
Anonymous B said...

I found your blog! Glad you made it home okay.

6/01/2007 12:16 PM  

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