Monday, October 22, 2007

Transit

To the woman in the Kelly green trenchcoat on the #99 bus this afternoon:

I hate you. Really, I do. I hate how you talked on your cellphone and took up two seats -- one for your own useless self and the other for your drycleaning. The bus was packed. An older, frailer woman had to stand beside your shitty plastic-coated Gapwear. Everyone gave you dirty looks. You knew that everyone on that bus wanted to see you disemboweled and you didn't miss a beat. You kept on gibbering into your cell phone and pretending to stare out the window. You're an asshole, but you may have the biggest balls out of anyone I've ever met. I hate big balls.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate you Ms. Kelly Green Trenchcoat, Mean mean mean! people are sometimes poopy and i think, "oi! why don't i just do it too?"
but then, i read about the elderly lady standing and my eyes and throat get all hurty.
big saggy fleshy hairy stinky sticky balls...yuck!

10/22/2007 10:34 PM  
Anonymous Ross said...

I've taken a new approach to people like this. I offer my seat to whomever is standing, and then stand directly in front of the offending jackass. And by directly in front I mean an uncomfortably close level that can't be seen as anything but rude. And since I usually have a bag w/ me I swing it as close as possible to said jackass. If the bus makes any kind of sudden movement I intentionally lurch into them. I've gotten a couple of people to get off the bus early all frumped out because of stupidness. I can't help that it makes me smile.

10/23/2007 1:12 AM  
Blogger Justin Beach said...

Or you can take the cultured diplomatic route and just sit one their dry cleaning.

10/23/2007 5:49 PM  
Blogger Doppelganger said...

I've been taking the bus a lot more lately, after a transit hiatus of several years, and it's a definite fact that people have gotten shittier. Fortunately, I seem to have gotten jerkier, too, so now when I see people taking extra seats or not giving their own seats up to people who need them more, I just point-blank ask them to... but my asking sounds more like telling, if you know what I mean. So far, no one's refused me. Or punched me in the face.

10/28/2007 10:39 PM  

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