Thursday, February 07, 2008

Pills, chills and big dangerous shoplifters

Okay, so I just got back from the doctor and what an eventful visit it was! First, I got a pretty heavy scolding for allowing my asthma to go so long unchecked. APPARENTLY, I should only be using my inhaler once a week rather than twice a day plus a double-shot nightcap. After listening to my lungs there was talk of hospitalization, unless I swore to go back on a steroid ASAP. So, I walked out of there with three different prescriptions and a massive guilt trip. I had no idea it was that big of a deal.

Anyhoo, the really exciting shit went down once I hit the pharmacy. Some gargantuan fellow got caught shoplifting and he went NUTS when he got caught. He was thrashing around and all these guys were jumping on him. The shop owner locked the doors and asked me to watch the front. And like a moron I nodded and stood at the front counter. The poor young pharmacist was getting chucked around pretty good and some guy kept on shouting, "I'm a professional boxer! Let me get him!" Note that the professional boxer was almost as wide as he was tall and not with muscle.

The shoplifter was making his way toward the front like a crazed animal with the shop owner, the pharmacist and the boxer hanging off of him like clothes pins. I was all paid up for my prescriptions, but I really needed a bus pass. The shoplifter parade was getting closer and I was starting to feel kinda sick. I decided that one more day of scrounging for change wouldn't kill me, but the gong show coming up the tampon aisle just might. I casually walked out.

I was down 2 blocks before I finally heard police sirens. I kind of wish I'd stuck around. Maybe I could have been a hero. Or maybe I could have lifted a bus pass or at least some gum for my troubles.

It's been an exciting day and my blood is pumping an interesting mix of medications to my brave heart. I narrowly avoided hospitalization, my lungs are operating at half-capacity and I was one of the good guys in an attempted robbery. You know, the more I think of it... I am kind of a hero. You're welcome, world.


Blogger bildo said...

you are a very gifted writer, i imagined the whole story in my head. I'm glad your having more entries now, it is always interesting :)

2/07/2008 10:20 PM  
Anonymous weakened superhero said...

that shoplifter was totally me. i'm embarrassed but flattered that someone would take the time to actually blog about it. just so you know, i managed to fight off the store guys and give a quick pugilistics lesson to the professional, and the escape before the cops caught me. lesson learned about shoplifting! from now on i will only pursue purse snatching as a criminal enterprise.

2/22/2008 4:52 AM  

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