Friday, December 30, 2005

And never brought to mind...

The holidays can be so upsetting. Old wounds are ripped open like presents. Bitter pills with eggnog chasers - tis the season to feel guilty, sad and depressed. The past always returns to haunt me... especially when it straddles and rides the present tense.

Pfft. I need to get out of town and so I will.

Happiness... I'm coming for you. Don't even think about playing hard to get. I'm in no mood.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Wealthiest Hobo

lookit what i got for xmas -
one of several choice gifts.

Merry Christmas!

Does anyone remember/has anyone heard of Cheese Willikers? Well, how about Mr. Fudge?

Thursday, December 22, 2005

my tree

Blue bulbs

This is supposed to be my favourite time of year... and I guess it still is. But, holy moley am I ever on edge and I gotta say - just a little bit angry. Holiday crowds and all the seasonal hullabaloo never used to get to me. If I had a therapist... well I'd be rich and probably easier to get along with. Maybe I'm just old.

Shaving my legs would make me happy. All I want for Christmas is a disposable razor.

I wrapped gifts tonight and I enjoyed it.

Cheques and balances, mofos.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Tree trimmers or pine tree decorators

Tonight a tree was trimmed. The evening started off a little tense with a bit of Bill Bixby rage but things settled down quickly enough. Mouths were stuffed with food, carols were sung, dance routines were performed and a trumpet was tooted. Oh, and yes the tree was decorated. I'm looking at it right now and it is lovely. And deadly. It is covered from top to tails in strings of old-fashioned Christmas lights - lots of them. And I bought them at a thrift store. And they are very old. And they are verrrrry hot. So, I will have to be careful around my pretty little funeral pyre.

I am tired and I'm having a helluva time typing here. Dranked and smoked. Asthma doth protesteth and I think it's giving me acne.

Tell me, is "trim the tree" a foreign concept to you? Do you understand what I mean when I say I am 'trimming the tree"? Do you think I mean to take out shears and trim it down? Because I encountered 3 people today who thought just that. They figured "trim" meant cut and had never heard the phrase "trim the tree". I find this a little bit fucked.

Goodnight. Positive thoughts to Ben, please.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Thursdays were always my favourite...

I spend an impressive amount of time feeling offended. The good doctor advises against this. But he doesn't know the whole enchilada. Not my particular enchilada, anyway. Arm's length can be like the longest mile or several kilometres, even!

Recently someone told me that I'm not the sort who is destined to be happy or satisfied in life. That I fool myself - trying to create domestic bliss that I will eventually tire of and try to escape from. Now, it's not like I trust the source of these sage words... so then riddle me this: Why can't I stop thinking about what he said? What if he has a point? What if he didn't and he just put a fucking hex on me? Did anyone ever think about that?

Aw, look who's talking shit again.

Hey, today at work there was a big panic to save a litter of Golden Retrievers. And guess who fell for it hook, line and sinker...? Me, obviously. An email went around the office asking if anyone knew of a good home for some doomed puppies. There were even photos included! It's a good thing I ffwd'ed it around to my friends because we all know how hard it is to give away $700 purebred Golden Retriever puppies! I hate the people who come up with these stupid hoaxes. Particularly when I can't be on the snickering-I-knew-the-whole-time team.

Look how cute.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

With me always?

If anyone is still looking for a Christmas gift for me...

Why, oh why?

Christmas is coming ... the goose is getting fat!

Oh wait, that's just me. This sucks.

Why is food so delicious? Why is my favourite appetite suppressant so full of tar and nicotine?
Why is exercise so boring?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Last night...

Last night I had friends over for some Christmas nog and nosh. It was fun. I drank far too much eggnog because I made too much eggnog and so I felt compelled. And then I felt full. And then I felt a bit funny in the head. And then I felt very sleepy. All in all, quite pleasurable.

I have spent far too much money this week. I am getting closer to the broke side of life than I prefer. Nearly $100 in asthma medication!

All positive thoughts to Ben. Everyone should be happy.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Warmest Wishes

Some things aren't worth getting your panties in a knot over...

And yet I have two Christmas parties this weekend and nothing to wear! My exceptionally generous nature is an obstacle! All my dollars will go toward Christmas gifts. The baby Jesus would be proud.

Can someone tell me why Naima won that big prize? I've forgotten.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

nit pick

I cannot even tell you... Seriously, I can't. You wouldn't believe me and you'd likely think less of me if I did. Suffice it to say that the events of the last day or so have convinced me that I really don't want to spend my later years alone - nevermind die alone. If I fell in the tub and couldn't get up there'd be no one around to hoist my sorry ass to safety. Not to say that I'm unloved and in dire straits - not even close - but spinsterhood looms.

Work is insane.

Stability. I would like me some of that.