Thursday, December 13, 2007

a series of unfortunate events

Daily log: Wednesday, Dec. 12th, 2007

  • woke up (6:00 a.m.)
  • went back to sleep (6:01 a.m.)
  • woke up (6:08 a.m.)
  • 6 snooze sessions later, stumbled out of bed into the shower
  • blow dried and hot rollered my hair into a really kickass hair do
  • admired perfect hair
  • looked closer and noticed gigantic zit on my chin
  • rubbed my eyes, convinced that i must have had a wad of inflamed flesh-coloured gum stuck on my chin
  • shouted out in pain and fear due to intense pain when wad of gum turned out to be giant chin acne
  • applied extra eye make up to "draw the eye upward"
  • got dressed
  • got undressed
  • got dressed
  • got undressed
  • realized that i was wayyyy behind schedule (7:45 a.m.)
  • called a taxi
  • realized that Fido cut my service
  • argued with Fido rep for 15 minutes
  • demanded to speak to supervisor
  • Fido rep apologized for calling me a liar and reconnected my service
  • called cab, got in cab and rushed to work feeling powerful due to small victory over Fido rep (8:10 a.m.)
  • forgot about chin acne
  • remembered chin acne when giant zit got its own pulse
  • ran into office with 5 minutes to spare before "leadership in training" meeting starts
  • decided to take the stairs up to the meeting room
  • got locked in the stairway for TWENTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES
  • walked up and down 4 flights of stairs trying all the doors
  • hyperventilated due to panic and asthma
  • knocked on all the doors
  • sat on the stairs and cried a little
  • heard voices and frantically knocked on the door
  • tried to be cool whilst explaining to stranger from a different dept that i was locked in stairwell (hoped he couldn't tell i'd been crying)
  • slunk into meeting (9:10 a.m.)
There was more stuff but I'm SUPER bored now. I can't imagine how you feel! Pore things.

I have to go apply hot compresses to my giant zit.

I love you all

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


Your emotions can lure you off track today, so don't express everything you feel. Usually this wouldn't be a problem for you cautious Crabs, but others could push your buttons, causing you to react without thinking. Being truthful is the best policy, but there is no reason to upset someone just so you can feel self-righteous

Pfffft. That's what I have to say about that. My buttons are pushed and I am quite looking forward to upsetting someone so that I can feel self-righteous. So put that in your celestial pipe and smoke it.

I'm really not liking many people right now and I am happy to report that I can reasonably lay all the blame at the feet of the disliked. I just want some proper bullshit-free time. Is that really so much to ask? Well, yes -- for us self-righteous crabs -- it seems to be.

I'm not terrifically excited about the holidays this year. I'm too tired. Besides, if I spend too much time thinking about Christmas I'll start to analyze how I think things should be and compare them to how things really are. And that, my lovers, does not fill the heart with Christmas spirit. However, moreover and furthermore -- I am glad I'm going home for Christmas this year. My whole family will be together for the first time in a very long time and there will be kids around this year which makes things a lot more fun. And there will be snow!

I think I want to go to Vegas for New Years. Now, don't go telling everyone! I thought of it first.

What else? Oh yes, I am getting intolerably fat. Seriously. I watched a special on Dateline last night about meth addicts and they were all quite slender. My anti-depressants already make me twitch and I've got the rambling on and on to myself thing covered. I will look into this.

Now I go cook dinner.