this one time, at bandcamp...

Do people still repeat this stupid line from that stupid movie? I am sad to report that - yes - yes, they do. I heard it with my own ears today in the produce section of the IGA. I kid you fucking not.

I hate people.

But I love Top Models - they're the tops. I watched ANTM tonight and while I'm disappointed that they cut the hot, tattooed lady- I am also relieved that they cut the hot, tatooed lady. Who needs to feel jealous every Wednesday night? I can do that every other day of the week. I would like the Russian to drown and the "Stay-At-Home Mom from Maui" to have acid thrown in her face a la Days of Our Lives.

I'm just saying.

last chance for romance

Today, like most days, kind of sucked. There were good times - I enjoyed an interesting phone call that was riddled with all kinds of flattering and kind words aimed at yours truly. And there were bad times - every moment before and after that phone call.

I feel deeply unsettled. I can't eat - which really sucks, because I prepared an absolutely delicious bowl of guacamole tonight. How do I know it was delicious? Well, I tasted it - it's not like I'm on a hunger strike.

I served up a very scaled-back Oscar party meal and fun was had by one. I couldn't really enjoy myself due to the squirming of my guts. When I am upset my stomach turns on me. Good one. Yeah. But, it really does. I get indigestion and the thought of food makes we want to die. The only good thing about this is that I can drop a few pounds. I overeat when I'm bored and depressed, I lose my appetite completely when I'm stressed and unhappy. At this rate, I ought to be able to wear jeans again in no time.

It's a long lonely lonely lonely time. I can't seem to find a nice place with the person I want to most. I've neglected my friends for too long to easily assimilate back into their fold and honestly, I don't really feel like it. I'm tangled up in the sheets. I'm annoyed with myself. I can sense my own neediness and it's like wearing wet shoes. I just want to be easy - in every sense of the word.

I'm tired but I can't sleep. I need the ump to call me safe.

SNL potatoes

Live from the shallows of despair, it's Saturday night!

You know who looks like Christina Ricci? Rainn Wilson.

I was going to post two photos to prove my point, but I seriously can't be bothered. You are all very capable of doing a Google image search. Think of it as a super fun project.

The Arcade Fire is on. I have never been able to get all that excited about them. Don't get me wrong...

I say a lot of things. I wish I could stick to my guns.

I'd like you to like me.

coffee breaking

Okay, let me preface this post by stating that I like my job. Hells yeah. In fact, I'm just happy to be working. Period. The fact that I get work at the CBC - with people I actually like and respect, write scripts and produce a website...icing on the cake.

Now, that that's out of the way - on with the bitching... I am working my ass off, I don't mind saying. This is a good thing. I try to remind myself of this everytime I teeter close to exhaustion. Why, a few months ago I was whining about unemployment. Damned if I do... gobsmacked if I don't.

I currently work in an odd cubby-hole tucked into a corner of the CBC. It is affectionately called the "Squash Court" because of it's 50 ft ceiling and strange windows that look into other rooms - not the outdoors. When I say 'affectionately' I mean not affectionately. The square footage is postage stamp-sized, making the dimensions even stranger. The air does not move and it hardly services the 15 people who work here. Some days its Dickensian cold in here, others - it's menopausal hot. Every morning is like a scratch card - except you never really win anything. But, hey - I'm not complaining. If not complaining means complaining - a lot.

On the bright side - the REALLY bright side - we are moving to a new space. And apparently the lights in the new space are brighter than heaven, if heaven's fluorscent lit. I do hope we can work around this lighting issue. I am no spring chicken and at the best of times my skin is the colour of flour and water. Fingers crossed.

In reality, it will be nice to have windows, a toilet within walking distance, running water and a desk that doesn't conspire to cripple me. And paycheques are cool. In fact, they're the coolest.

I don't really have a point - I just felt like bitching to someone and you came here on your own volition, so I don't really feel sorry for you. I'm actually pretty busy feeling sorry for myself. Do you like it how I mix the complaining with the counting of the blessings? I do that, just in case some sort of even-steven deity is reading.

Kisses on your lipses...

ponder

Why is it that the term "beat-off" is no longer de rigeur while the old standby "jerk-off" still flourishes? Is it because "jerk-off" is also a noun? While I do find "beat-off" more amusing, I guess it falls flat when it comes to name-calling.

I reckon I answered my own question.

And, no - don't bother bringing up "wack-off." There's no reason to be rude.

sum of parts

Friday night:
- went to Perogy Night and got to be on the Tee Vee
- looked at some Flash Friday posts on Craigslist
- went to bed angry (anger not associated with previous activity)

Saturday morning (oh, say 4 AM) :
- got angrier, felt better for venting anger, got tired, fell asleep

Later, Saturday morning:
- overslept
- rushed around - frantically looking for my wallet
- couldn't find my wallet
- left the house in a fit with no money
- forgot a million other things in the process

All of Saturday:
- searched high and low for my wallet - the same wallet I had stuffed with $200 grocery money the night before...
- freaked out about not being able to find wallet and came to the conclusion that it was stolen the night before by one of the stupid baggy-jeaned haircuts who were smoking near the car
- fantasized about killing one of the baggy-jeaned haircuts in a terrible and violent manner
- complained about my miserable fucking lot in life
- cried. a lot.
- my computer started shutting down for no reason
- realized the warranty card for my laptop was in my wallet
- kicked a cardboard box in my room several times
- cried some more
- called the Royal Bank to cancel my client card - nearly killed myself during the 26 minutes it took to get through to a human
- the exhaustion from the previous night's anger and all the fit-throwing over the wallet caught up with me, so I decided to have a nap
- when I yanked my duvet over my shoulders I felt the weight of my wallet caught up in the duvet cover
- I held my wallet in my hands and wondered why I wasn't happier to see it
- ate expensive cheese and watched SNL
- went to bed tired


Yeah, so that's pretty much it. I had a total nervous breakdown over my lost-and-then-found wallet. I find it hard to count my blessings with this one. Yes, of course I'm glad I found the wallet, but I hate what I went through to find it. The only lessons I learned are that my life is disorganized and I suck. Awesome.

Tonight I burned a pot of rice. It really stinks in here. Furilla.