Monday, January 28, 2008

on the OTHER hand

A couple of days ago, while I was waiting for my train, I got suckered into participating in a transit survey. A tired looking older woman asked me to map out my route from home to my end destination. Now, if you know me in real life and you've ever had to ask me for directions or watched me try to pretend that I know which way is north, south or east -- you know, that I'm hopelessly stupid about such things. And so, I tried to find my house on the map and demonstrate how I had found my way to the Broadway skytrain station. A couple of times she lost her patience and tried to hurry me up, "Don't you mean you're heading OUT of the city? Yes, well you've just mapped yourself heading into the city." Etc and so on. So, I was getting a little stressed out and embarrassed, followed immediately by a strong sense of indignation. After all, I'm the one who had taken time from my busy commute to aid and abet a transit system that I loathe.

But, as it turned out it was all worth it in the end. As I answered the last question, she started to fill in some of my personal information. I gave her my name and postal code and then she got to the little age boxes at the bottom of the page and without hesitation she checked off 16-24 years of age. I took a moment to fall totally in love with this woman and then laughed and said, "I wish!" She looked at me, erased the checked box and marked off 24-34 years of age. Oh, it was all too delicious! I indicated with a thumbs-up to keep going and she exclaimed, "Really?" And the 35+ box was filled and applied to yours truly. And I really didn't mind. I walked to the train platform cheerful, but tired. After all I had just aged a good 15 years in 3 minutes.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


Here's a mind fuck for you: I graduated from high school 18 YEARS AGO! Is that not seriously messed up? I graduated a whole adult ago. That means I lost my virginity 19 years ago. I have been having sex (with someone other than myself) for almost 2 decades! I remember when I couldn't even fathom using the words "twenty years ago" and not be referring to the toddler years. I'm glad I didn't graduate from university. Who needs another shitty anniversary to feel bad about.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Shitty about it

You know who when you're planning something special for, say a surprise... And you're jumping through all sorts of hoops to make it happen and then that someone starts acting like a jerk and you start to feel reallllly hard done by-- because, after all, you are going through all this trouble to do something nice. And you really want to call everything off, because that's the only way you can exercise any power in your current situation, but in the end there's no point because it's a surprise and that someone will never know what they lost out on. That, and everything is non-refundable.

I think I need to up my dosage.

Monday, January 07, 2008 never know...

It's the second week of January and I'm starting to suspect that 2008 may be equally as underwhelming as 2007 -- at least in some areas of my life. Oh, I know that's not the can-do attitude you've all come to expect from me... but, never know...

Lashity, lash, lash...out. Passive aggressive mascara. An orgy of ellipses. Really, what's the point? Let us hop, skip and jump to more neutral territory, shall we? Ladies first.

Today I got glasses. Fancy-pants ones at that. I look like Nana Mouskouri with bangs. Or did she have bangs? I don't think so... I will have to investigate. Any-hoosiers, it's a different look. My ophthalmologist told me that I look well under thirty but that my eyes don't LOOK under thirty. Get it? There's a play on words there, but I'm not really in the mood to point it out. I did my all caps bit.

Oh, who cares? I'm going to sleep.