I have successfully survived my 32nd Christmas. No need to congratulate me. It went alright. Different this year, that's for sure. I have eaten a steady diet of cured meats, buttery baking, cheese, pickles and chocolate for well over a week. Pants are becoming an obstacle. Time to stop.

New Year's Eve is fast approaching. I've always loved New Year's eve. To me, it's the absolute adult holiday celebration. When I was a child I would imagine myself at a New Year's party, with my hair in a bun, wearing a fancy black dress and drinking sparkly drinks plucked from big round trays held by black-tied waiters. I haven't had my proper adult party yet. I've tried for many years. I've worn fancy black dress or two and I've downed countless fizzy drinks. But, I've never quite realized my childhood fantasy. And you know what? I'm not even a bit discouraged. Maybe it won't happen until I'm a silver-haired senior (might explain the hair in a bun bit). I should go eat. Bye.

Nearly four in the AM. Finally, finished wrapping the last of the gifts. I am watching a special about the Hollywood Palace Christmas specials and having a nice Christmas weep.

Bing Crosby's family may be saccharine and are most likely not as happy as they are coached to appear (Bing was apparently loathed and feared by is first wife and children) - but, fuck it - tonight I'm buying in to it. Oh, and Perry Como just seems to be such a pleasant fellow. Watching this, I'm pining for something I've never experienced. Maybe no one ever really experienced it. Picture perfect family Christmasses. Crooning family men who play golf and carry the Christmas tree in through the front door. Pretty wives and rubber-cheeked children in matching holiday garb. Who knows? When I look back on certain holidays past, I have to admit some of them seem pretty bloody ideal. "Ideal" is the key word I suppose. Ah, there's nothing wrong with buffing up a memory to a high sheen. Right?

Oh, wow. Bing Crosby singing "Silent Night". Excuse me, I must go fully indulge in a good old mascara-dissolving sob now.

Merry Christmas from the pile of slush to you and yours.

A very challenging day!

The day began with an uncomfortable and frosty morning meeting and exchange. Sad. Then I had to deal with the bank, again. I cannot tell you the misery I've suffered at the white, bony hands of the Royal Bank of Canada. Truly unbelievable and very stressful. And, you won't believe it...a banker actually telephoned and apologized to yours truly. Yes, I'm an adult now. Of course, the same banker screwed up my account further after apologizing and this is why I had to return to the bank this morning. Happy to report we sorted things out and I will indeed rec'v my final paycheque of the year 2004 before Christmas.

I walked out of the bank feeling pretty pleased and managed to entertain myself with my banking success as I stood in a very long queue at Future Shop. Things were going alright until I got to the cashier and realized I didnt have my wallet. A mad rush back to the bank and several frantic moments of searching proved fruitful. I couldn't believe my luck. My wallet was sitting where I had dropped it (thank you, Finn). Relieved, I headed back to Future Shop with a quick pitstop at ye olde London Drugs where I dropped $30 on various toiletries. I returned to Future Shop, made my purchase and then scooted on over to Winners for a little Christmas shopping. As usual, I found nothing and carried on a block or two to catch the 3:30 showing of Lemony Snicket's - A Series of Unfortunate Events. Fitting. A few steps from the theatre I realized the London Drugs bag was missing. Back to Future Shop where thankfully, some kind soul turned the bag in. Seriously, colour me stupid.

Long story longer: the movie was good, I managed to make it home without losing anything else (that I know of, anyway) and I enjoyed a relatively nice evening. All's well that blah, blah, blah.

I did a few things over the weekend. Went to a party...pardon, a "film party". Need I say more? Sunday night I went to see the Phoenix Chamber Choir Christmas performance. Lovely. That same night I attended an odd yet potentially interesting party way up a mountain in North Van.

Such a dry entry tonight. Apologies. I am tired and a bit anxious. Can't really turn a phrase right now. I promise to do better.

It's been a few days. I put up the loveliest little Christmas tree! Just the purtiest, most fragrant Douglas Spruce you ever did see. A birthday (not mine) came and went and was sadder than usual. I went to Seattle and tried to accomplish a little Christmas shopping and failed miserably. I did however, get a really nice pair of knee-socks for myself. I have holiday parties to attend. However, I would really like to watch Christmas cartoons and sleep.

Rotten Apple
Four words: Should have been me.

Wow, 16 more sleeps until Christmas.
This holiday season will be like no other.
I fear New Year's Eve. I hate to be a cliche...
but it's an important eve to me.
Oh, celery sticks! Perhaps it will be okay?
I mean, why not?

Speaking of celery, I really must eat better.
I drink lots of water. Am I absolved/dissolved?
Stupidity to be awake at this hour.
And how.

Today has been an exceptionally terrible day. I feel so very miserable...about everything. Today was expensive, exhausting and just plain rude. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get my shit together. I like to think I'm very hard done by. I'm not. I'm fortunate in whole shit-load of ways, but for today I don't want to have to be mature and realistic. I want someone to fix things. I'm tired. I'm not making any sense and I have laundry to do before I can fall asleep.

It is nearly midnight and I am on my 4th batch of slightly too-flat-to-be-perfect chocolate chip cookies. I was supposed to go to bed early tonight. No such luck. I promised to make these cookies for a very important person who will be very upset if there aren't at least two tins of cookies ready and waiting in the morning. I am very tired and dreading tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be miserable and I have many different errands to run. And darlings, I have to be in make-up at 9:30 am!

Today the ski lodge seems very far away indeed. Well, I can still see the lights from the windows lighting up the snowhill, and I guess that is something to be grateful for. In trying times like these I remind myself of what a woman walking into a moderately atttended party held in her honour once said to me, "Thank you, thank you very much. See you in there."

It's been a week. I went to the Commodore Ballroom's 75th anniversary party and an office Christmas party over the weekend. I did not purchase a new dress. I am proud of myself. And how have I been rewarded for such exemplary behaviour? Why, with a chest cold, of course.

Happy St Niklaus Day.