In other news, I caved and against my rare good judgement I went and got a last-minute hair-cut. Wow, do I hate it. I mean, wow. I won't even go into the details, but rest assured I look significantly homelier than I did before. Excellent.

There is much I should be doing right now. Things like looking for a job, finding a place to live, shaving my head... And yet, I choose to do nothing. It's working out great! What I want most is to climb into bed and stay there until someone comes a long and fixes all this shit for me. Is that so very much to ask?

Anyone watch Hell's Kitchen last night? I'm was fostering a wee crush on the tattooed Michael and then wouldn't you know it... they reveal the late-night conversations he has with himself. He refers to himself in the third person, as in, "Michael hasn't been giving it his all." Super creepy, right? Now the only reason I watch is the slight chance that someone will kick the living shit out of Chef Ramsay. And, I don't want to know if he's really a good fellow in "real life". I can already see that. I just don't want to be reminded of it, alright? Give me scripted reality or give me death.

Right, I also need to undertake a new starvation project. I look several months pregnant. It's hereditary, you see. Not pregnancy, but skinny legs propping up apple-shaped bodies. Both my mom and my dad have this body type. So, as soon as I start overeating I begin to look knocked up. This morning I was tempted to grip my lower back and guilt someone in to giving me their seat on the bus. Tis a sad state of affairs, I'm telling you.

coping with redundancy 

I'm bored and hungry and today I wore a skirt that is too damned short. I rode my bike here and learned a valuable lesson. Short flippy skirts do not fare well on a bike. I had to keep tucking the cute flippy part down so as not to expose my crotch to all the cars speeding across the viaduct. Bloody wind gusts.

I tried to work on my resume... for a minute or so. It went swimmingly. Fuck, I have no digital files of my past stupendous achievements so I have to type everything again. My old website has disappeared off the internet and I don't have a demo reel. Why can't people just trust that I am awesome? Why must we go through this elaborate dance of references, and work history and work samples? I am offended, really. If I say "I rule" then, by jiminy, I rule. All this red tape is for chumps.

I do believe I may need to go out and get filthy drunk one of these days. I normally don't bother. But, perhaps it wouldn't be the worst thing ever.

hungry... bored...

Once, I got into an argument about Ben Lee. Now this isn't the disagreement I was involved with. My argument was face to face with another human, but it did indeed grow quite heated. Ridiculously so.

I think Ben Lee is a big drippy drag. I hadn't even heard of the fellow until I saw him performing recently on a couple of late night talk shows. I found his performance nauseating. The fact that his mic and all of his bandmates were sprinkled with white flowers and his blissed out smiles into the camera did nothing to change my mind. Such a precious troubadour! I was genuinely shocked to learn that people I know, people I like and respect and whom I would expect to join me in a mutual hate-on for such a performance - well, they like him just fine. To make a long story short, I just couldn't let it go. My dislike for Mr. Lee quickly spiraled into unbridled and irrational black fury. Well, not really irrational. He really does suck.

Anyhoo... What was my point? Right. Ben Lee sucks. And if you disagree with me, I don't want to know about it. This could be an irreconcilable difference. A deal breaker. Let me leave you with a quote from one Ben Lee fan. I mean, if this lady likes Lee...

Hi, fellow Ben Lee fans. I hope all is well:)
I heard that Ben likes to decorate the stage with flowers at his shows. For all the sunshine his music has brought to me this year, I would like to bring a bunch as a token of my appreciation next Friday in NYC.
If anyone knows, I would greatly appreciate it if you could please tell me when, where, and to whom I should bring them to. Also, I just wanted to verify that this is still going on this tour... you know, just in case Aimee Mann is allergic to flowers or anything.
Thank you so much for your help. Rock on!

Heart,
Janine


So please(PLEASE!)baby, please - come on, catch my disease. Catch it.

So, what's new, you don't ask? Well, I spent a few days pouting over my recent redundancy at the old CB of C and then I got over it... kind of. It will be exciting to get a new job...maybe. It is mildly terrifying, as well. I am looking at my portfolio and I haven't published one goddamned thing since I got the job at ZeD. Not cool. That said, I now have extensive online writing experience and one script credit under my belt. I dunno know where I stand. I will have to steel myself for great big gobs of rejection and I don't mind telling you I'm one weak-ass mutha fucka nowadays. We shall see, right? Right.

Father's day came and went. This year I found the whole event depressing. My dad seemed old even though at 56 he really isn't. The other father near and dear to me seemed damaged and sad. It wasn't a great day. But crossing water and eating curried tofu in front of a mountain sunset was a very nice palate cleanser.

This week I update my resume. On paper, I'm rather fucking impressive. Let me tell you.

Epilogue


you get the idea.

I'm sick... I think. It keeps coming and going and coming. Today I feel like crapola. And I don't mind telling you I look especially hideous. I look like I have a perm, I have a mild break out creeping all over my chin AND an angry red scratch across my nose. I dressed poorly, even by my most generous standards and I'm pretty sure I look six months pregnant today.

Oh yeah, did I mention that it is almost certain that I will be unemployed in a month? Neat, huh? Right now I am at work waiting for an "announcement". We were told to be at work for an important meeting at 10:30 am. It is now nearly three in the afternoon and we are still waiting to meet. Apparently today's announcment will give us some indication of our future with the good old mother corpse. I am not optimisitic. Which isn't like me, I know. I just wish they'd have the decency to sharpen the fucking axe. This dull thudding is giving me a headache.

Seriously.

One more day until payday. I will treasure it as a regular paycheque may soon become nothing more than a fond memory. Redundant? Me? You betcha! Well, I'll find out soon enough. My contract ends July 31st. If I am not renewed - I am screwed.

Today, on my way out for a tasty/pricey coffee, I had the pleasure of walking behind three teen-aged boys for a block or so. They trundled along in a cloud of drugstore cologne, hair gel and acne. One boy bragged that a girl promised to bring her friends to his party. The other boys didn't seem convinced. The tallest of the three (they were all short) responded by pulling the braggart's ball cap down over his eyes. A scuffle ensued, releasing more cheap aftershave and hormones into the ether. I guessed they were maybe 15 years old. It occured to me that I could have healthily given birth to these beasts. I remembered a girl I went to highschool with who left in the eleventh grade to have a baby. She never came back to school. Did she have a pimply, obnoxious teen at home? Poor thing. But back to me... Frightening to realize you are old enough to have birthed a creature that is old enough to drive.

Last night I noticed heaps of white hair clawing its way through my roots. I am resigned to wearing a fringe for the rest of my life due to a permanently furrowed brow. I now require maintainance. I will have to start using lotions and potions. I don't really mind so much. It's just unfortunate that men do.

I am craving pizza and coke like nobody's beeswax.

Payday's comin'. Tomorrow I will be up to my ass in take out and scratch n' win tickets! Yee haw!

That reminds me... anyone watch K-fed and Brit-Brit's Chaotic?

Poor, poor Dewberry


I must tell you all that I am enjoying Hell's Kitchen immensely. Finally, Monday night has value. Thank you, Fox. Thank you.

I'm soooooooo fucking broke. Super fun. I have ten dollars to last me until Thursday. I cannot wait for payday. I will buy fun things like food and toilet paper. Rich.

I hate lots of people today. Pretty unhealthy. But, really, fuck them all.