Thursday, May 31, 2007

Manhattan Stories in Pointform

Okay, so I ran away to NYC for a bit and a half... here are a few observations made over the past 4-5 days:
  • when embarking on a last-minute vacation to "get your mind off of things" do NOT read The Unbearable Lightness of Being on the plane. You will probably cry.
  • maps are hard to read
  • just because someone photocopied a colourful sign of a piggy bank reading "Tips would be very much appreciated" does not mean that you have to tip them $5
  • it is easy to get on the wrong subway line. maps are hard to read.
  • in NYC handsome Greek hair stylists can cut all your hair off and you really won't mind all that much...due to the handsomeness and the excellent head massage.
  • some people in NYC are very friendly and helpful
  • some people in NYC are not very friendly and helpful
  • shopping is hella good and cheap
  • don't go to sleep with almond oil on your legs or you will ruin your friends favourite sheets
  • stay off of the internet when trying to "get your mind of off things". You will NEVER like what you find.
  • expect things to go wrong when you decide to be spontaneous -- as in, you may not be able to access the control panel to the website that you have to update because it is your job and you really need to get paid to finance your insane trip
  • NYC is a gorgeous city
  • it is very hot this time of year in NYC
  • Coney Island is cool, but you should only go there in high spirits
  • big chairs and giant novelty beer bottles are ALWAYS good for a laugh
  • a friend in the middle can still be a good friend indeed
  • hearing things put into perspective by friend in the middle is painful, but discovering the depth of one's delusions after listening to friend in the middle = priceless
  • but by the grace of God and one day at a time is solid advice
  • getting scared straight worked for one whole night... for a blissful few hours my mind was officially "off of things"
  • despite myself I had a great time during the days ... nights were another story
  • never admit you have strong hands to a woman whose body has been broken on the inside due to a terrible computer desk configuration or you will wind up giving a massage until the cows come home...or at least for the duration of an episode of Extras.
  • men in NYC like to give a lady a compliment
  • a coconut cream doughnut from the Doughnut Plant will make you wish you could have sex with doughnuts
  • while in NYC my appetite went into remission... (minus the doughnut!) and isn't showing any sign of return. It is nearly 2 PM and I haven't a thought for food. This can't be healthy, but my jeans say otherwise. Let us roll with this for a while...
  • if you say aloud "I'd really like to find a pair of shoes before I leave." you probably won't, but you will find a very cool designer dress for practically free
  • witnessing friend find little love notes hidden throughout her apartment is both lovely and heartbreaking. Renews one's faith in love and romance and induces great waves of self-pity all at once.
  • Urban Outfitters is outfitted with piles of shit. I'm serious -- what a junk heap. H&M, on the other hand... better. Loehmann's was a gold mine.
  • never buy sunglasses in Canada ($26 RayBans in the U. S &A)
  • going to NYC and shopping is expensive -- especially for someone with no money. reality is the worst hangover
  • anxiety is a bitch and that bitch will keep the Sandman away from you with the promise of handjobs, good cooking and NSA good times.
  • without sleep you make stupid decisions like going to La Guardia for fun only to take a shuttle to JFK to wait 12 hours before your flight leaves instead of taking in the sights because you fear that you will just curl into a ball and start weeping from the exhaustion and stress of it all
  • catching the bus in Harlem and taking up a lot of room with a massive suitcase makes you very unpopular
  • the people on the bus in Harlem are not shy about expressing their displeasure over your very large suitcase
  • there is NOTHING to do at JFK and 12 hours there is not all that much fun
  • happy couples in airports are very off-putting
  • Heineken Light is available not only in the US but also at the airport. Thank. God.
  • you can meet people more miserable than you if you spend 10 hours + at JFK
  • sometimes you can spend several hours with an attractive stranger and not wind up having sex with him
  • Cathay still serves alcohol. For free. I like Cathay and I like the chardonnay they serve enough not to spit it out.
  • don't be greedy and drink 2 glasses of wine on your return flight. Combined with the 2 Heineken Lights, why that's 4 drinks and you know full well that you are a 2-drink-drunk at best. Upon arrival you will be tired and emotional and the realization that no one is meeting you at the airport may just overwhelm you. This can make for a depressing cab ride home.
  • I now have resolve. Paper-thin, but resolve nonetheless
  • I will make plans to go back to NYC under happier conditions and to make sure I get tickets to see Conan etc and so on
I may think of more to say, but I kind of doubt it. I will tell you this much -- I wish I didn't have to return to Vancouver. A pointless thing to say, but there you have it nonetheless.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

A Telephone Call

Hi. I've rec'vd a few emails from people asking me why I haven't posted and why certain posts have disappeared... Well, life's like that sometimes, is all I have to say. I'm in a sporadic and deleting state of mind. I'm also going on a trip -- a very short trip-- but a trip, nonetheless. I'm going to NYC for a few days. I'm a bit annoyed that I will miss the 40th anniversary celebration of Dorothy Parker's death. She died on June 7th and I'm leaving May 30th. It would have been cool to check out a couple of readings...

I'll be in touch. Here's Dorothy Parker short that I used to really kind of dislike. I read it again today and I can say that I enjoy it much more with the "in-my-twenties" chip off my shoulder.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

the laws of attraction

Disappointment has a distinctive taste and I don't think my unrefined palate can handle much more.

For obvious reasons I am unable to say what I mean and to mean what I say. I'm screwed.

Monday, May 07, 2007

if a tree falls...

Owww! There is a stabbing pain in my leg that feels like... a stabbing pain. There's no one here to complain to and yelling out loud just isn''t having the desired effect. Fuck! Ouch. There it goes again.

Time for another Rockstar... the liquid or the human? Wouldn't you like to know.

goodnight moon

Several glasses of red wine later and my hips are sore and I can't sleep because my brain is swelling just enough to make my eyeballs hurt. A bigger skull sure would come in handy.

I've lost the remote control and the Slice channel is on. I've watched Brat Camp, Try My Life and now Bridezillas has started. Please God, grant me the strength to reach the power button. Oh dear, the bride is getting cowboys to spank her.

Love you.

Saturday, May 05, 2007


Today I went shopping. Well, today I went and looked at things. I held things up against me and hummed and hawed and went home with a $10 t-shirt. There are so many wonderful things out there. I wish I could have a thing or two. I tried on a very nice pair of Rayban Wayfarers. I tried them in white. I tried them in black. The salesgirl was right - they looked really good on me. They were $190. They'll look good on someone else - someone with a spare $200. Too rich for my blood.
Regardless of my thrifty circumstances, I had a great time. I did splurge on a new lipstick. It wasn't cheap, but it makes me prettier. Dollars and dollars well spent.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Simmer down

Geeze Louize, people - lighten up. I just got of the phone with a friend who felt that my last post was a cry for help and she was concerned that it was a veiled suicide threat. While I appreciate her concern, I swear I have no intention of doing myself in. I mean, I scribbled a bit about a book about suicide and I didn't even like it much. By her logic if I had written about when I read the Chronicles of Narnia, I'd be guilty of slaying magical lions or at least seriously contemplating it.

If I were truly thinking about killing myself through literature I would sit down and try to read Ulysses again. I nearly did pitch myself over a roof the first time a tried to read it... and the second...

And besides, I have a lot to live for. They still haven't crowned cycle 8's Top Model.

A Long Way Down Let Down

I have a confession to make: I've never read Nick Hornby. Well, up until now. Right now I'm half-way through A Long Way Down and it's o-kaaaay. Some of the language is pretty funny and it's an interesting concept - a group of suicidal people meet accidentally on New Year's Eve atop of a notorious 'jumper' building in London. They are all fucked up and they all have very good reasons to off themselves... kind of. Don't get me wrong, it's amusing enough, but I'm disappointed. Bummed out by a novel about suicide. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not in the mood for this book. Who can tell? Everyone else seems to have gone over the moon and back again over it. Nonetheless, I am only half-way through. We shall see.

On a brighter note, there is a lovely song bird hanging out somewhere near my window and I've got some fun things to look forward to. I shall keep off the rooftop for a while more, methinks.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

colours of colours

I was feeling pretty crumby as I walked back to my house this morning. My brain kept on looping some twisted version of "This is Your Life!" and it wasn't exactly inspirational viewing. Even the iTunes-sorted music piped into my ears sounded like the soundtrack to a very sad movie.

Just I was about to completely wrap myself up in a cozy blanket of self-pity I came across the lilacs. Actually, I wasn't paying attention and I practically walked right into the bush. The blooms were hanging low and half-way into the sidewalk. The flowers were still wet from the rain and their pale purple blueness was shocking against all the miserable grey. They smelled like rain and like the word 'lilac'. Sweet, cold and fresh. In my overzealous sniffing I had covered my nose and mouth in rain water. A very nice sensation, I highly recommend it.

Now, I don't want to get too poetic here, but it was an incredible moment. I immediately felt better. In a very distant way this sort of annoyed me. As in - really, stopping to smell the flowers actually works? Christ, I am a simple person. But whatever, I really needed to feel better.

I resisted the urge to pluck the flowers and headed home, trying desperately to memorize the scent. I was feeling really quite wonderful and had visions of myself spring cleaning and baking cookies once I walked in the door. But then I saw red. Literally. Just a few feet of red, peeking into the back lane as I got close to home. Red's a big colour and it chased the lavender and rain water out of my mind. The sadness returned.

Tonight I'm going to pick a few lilacs and keep them by my bed. No one will miss a them, I'll only take a few.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

sweet sixteen

An old friend sent this photo to me a while back. I don't remember if I posted it already, but I stumbled across it today and so I'm taking a moment to give a little shout out to me circa 1988.

I feel a little lonely for the old me - sitting on a scratchy sofa, reading the paper. I'm 16-years-old here, tattoo-free and a helluva lot slimmer than I ever realized. I didn't have a job, I had no debt and I had yet to commit any major fuck-ups at this point. This photo was taken by a boy who lived on his own whom of course my parents knew nothing about.

I am also wearing denim, overall shorts with the bib and straps hanging down. Perhaps it is best that you can never go back.