Whoa nelly, am I in a black mood. Which means I really, really, really shouldn't be writing here. My threshold for bullshit is impressively low.

In an effort to observe that whole if-you've-nothing-nice-to-say-then-blah, blah, blah rule I should hit delete and close this window and go to sleep. Yep, I should. And so I will, I guess. I've managed to rage a bit under the guise of not raging. My work here is done.

You listen to this song because I am and then we can all have something in common - other than impotent rage, a warped sense of entitlement and raging hormones. We cool?

I got my haircut. I decided to throw caution and cash to the wind at the last minute and visit an unknown stylist. Brave, non? Truly, I got me 2 haircuts - she removed tonnes of hair when it was wet. Then she dried and flat ironed and then cut off heaps more. And I have to say, I think I like it rather a lot. I only instructed her to please come up with something that wasn't dead boring and not too short. I'm pleased to say she came through on both counts. Some neato choppy bits here and there and so, so , so much less hair!

Friday night I went to a party in Strathcona. A simple good time was had by yours truly. And on less than three beverages, I might add.

Yesterday, I attended my first yoga class - ever. Can you believe that shit? I'm thirty-two and I've lived on the West Coast for seven years and I've never taken a yoga class. Well it was fantastic, but distressing for me to realize how much flexibility I've lost. I will get it back, mark my words. I fell asleep during the relaxation rigamarole at the end. I always figured I was too high-strung to manage yoga. I am happy to report I was wrong.

Last night I watched the Bird Man of Alcatraz and ate chopped liver from Kaplans (don't even think of scrunching your nose - you seriously have no idea how delicious Kaplans famous chopped liver is). Tonight I round things off with gnocchi and watch Journeys With George.

So, so, so pretty.

Hey! Guess whose hideous zit finally disappeared? And while we're playing this super fun game, can you also guess who just got blasted with another cold sore? I sure do miss my immune system. We used to have such good times together! Fighting off disease and disaster like old pros.
Sure, it's no surprise. I'm not in the best shape, physically. I'm pretty run down and I'm a certified stresskitten - no doubt - but, this is getting a bit extreme. I haven't been hit this badly since I was a lemon gin-swilling teen. So depressing and distressing... and pretty! Just lovely.

Also, I am going to buy the much chit-chatted about "He's Just Not That Into You." No, it's not exactly a hot topic anymore, but it's new to me. I've been told about it by numerous female friends, and the great overlord Oprah recommends it. I've been reading bits and pieces online and it's funny how marketable common sense is, but there is something a bit too quick and clever about it. I dunno. Whenever I read something and I find myself saying "wow, this is soooo true! this is about me!" I get a little uncomfortable. I feel the same way when I read Douglas Coupland. I enjoy it, but I also feel a bit used and like someone has eaten me alive a bit and served it back to me. It's all a bit neurotic and self-absorbed and well...too much like me to take sometimes. I will have to read the whole thing to make up my mind about this one.

Here is an excerpt from the book:

The "Maybe I Don't Want to Play Games" Excuse

Dear Greg,

This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out?

Nikki

Dear Nikki,

Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.

Or maybe you're the chosen one.

Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children — sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.

I'll get back to y'all about this if I can manage to get my ass to a bookseller in the near future. You just sit tight. And in the meantime - men, please try to stop breaking women's hearts and women, you try to stop being so...so womanly.

Oh, and one more thing...

My head is trying to kill me. Obviously, I have been overextending the poor thing lately. I need fingers in hair to smooth out the pain jabs and eye stabs. I will invent a machine. It will outsell dildos, vibrators and personal massagers. You will see.

RIP Johnny

My horoscope... be wary

Sunday, January 23

You might be getting a bit forceful with your emotions today, dear Cancer. Don't be surprised if you are like a fire breathing dragon when you speak. Sparks are apt to fly. Strong feelings have been building up within you. This is a time to release them with force. People need to hear the things you have to say. You are doing yourself and others a disservice by keeping it all bottled up inside.

I have spawned a zit smack-dab between my eyes. The only way to camouflage this disaster is to comb my bangs across and over one eye. This makes me look a special sort of emo-esque annoying. I feel like I have most definitely lost my comehitherness. Just one of those nights, you know? I live in a vibrant neighbourhood and I can hear couples canoodling on the streets and my neighbour banging his girlfriend. It's Saturday night in the West End and I'm applying tea tree oil and hot compresses to the "blemish"(so ladylike) between my eyes. Rock on.

In other news, I went to a yoga open house. It was interesting and the soup was tasty. Sure, the chanting made me a little uncomfortable, and I was the only woman wearing make-up...and heels...and a leather jacket at the vegan reception... But, I learned a thing or two and found the Swami to be quite personable. Listen to me!

Fuck, I just spilled my huge bottle of water on my bed. Oh, I wish I were out getting sloppily and happily loaded somewheres.

The scents of tea tree oil and nectarines - combined - smell faintly like cat piss. Good night.

What I just read in a magazine:

"Every wrong guy takes you one step closer to the right one."

Can you believe they pay people to write shit like this? Paid by the word, no less. Oh, and a funny aside: I came across these pearls of wisdom in a fitness magazine...while reading about my 21-day total-body makeover with hope in my heart and chocolate pudding on my spoon. I am awesome.

I must tell you that I think Sofia Coppola is beautiful. Disagree with me? Bully for you. I think she is lovely. I do believe she is the celebrity I'm most envious of nowadays. Although, it is rumoured that she is dating Tarantino. Revolting. Well, she has pretty eyes and I bet she has a nice car.

This morning at Starbucks (where else?) a fireman told me he liked my lipstick. Now, I can't help but wonder if that isn't inappropriate behaviour from an on-duty civil servant. But, who am I kidding? Like I care. The smarmy perv made my day. And then I left the coffee shop and a big gust of wind nearly tore my skirt off and when I frantically clutched at my hem I dropped my pricey grande latte. I blame the fireman. Stupid flattery led to an engorging of my ego which in turn led to immediate castigation from God. Thanks a fucking lot smokey.

Oh dear.

I quit -- I give up.
Nothin's good enough for anybody else it seems.

Feeling rather sorry for myself and it would be just such a Cameron Crowe moment if I could play this song right now. I wish I still had this CD. Yes, I used to listen to Edie Brickell. What - and you didn't?

Shut up.

What's that? Who got to go out for bazillion dollar sushi at Tojo's over the weekend? And who enjoyed an evening of omakase with Chef Tojo himself? Yes, it was me. of course. Oh, it was delicious, if you were wondering. Who says birthdays are depressing? Not I, says I. Especially when it's someone else's birthday. I didn't have to age a bit and I still got to go out, eat well and listen to a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday" sung by happy strangers. Good times, for a change.

The Western rat is reviled as little more than a
bottom-dwelling disease carrier...

Rat Overview
Provided by Astrology.com

This year you will be pulled between two contradictory tendencies. On one side, you'll greatly wish to improve your personal image and to be admired. But on the other side, you'll have no intention whatsoever to make concessions and will want to act however you like. With a strong dose of good sense, you can solve this interesting dilemma!Be confident in yourself -- trust what you desire and what you intuitively feel.

Moondae, moondae, moondae'

Mondays are always a bit of a drag, but every second Monday is especially shitty. It's a day of heavy bags and weepy good-byes. Thankfully, nowadays it feels like a week passes in a blink.

Lip Service

Bloody hell, another cold sore. What the fuck? And I've been so very mindful of my health lately. A steady diet of chocolate and processed sugar, a consistent level of unmanageable stress and lack of sleep... what am i doing wrong?

I went to a potluck tonight and had a fire lit under my lazy ass. The hostess is currently writing a piece for Cosmo and I helped her edit it. She's done a great job and I now feel inspired. I have sent off maybe ten query letters in my life and so my Cosmo-courting friend is going to help me polish my technique a bit. I have to get it together and start building a freelance career for myself. ZeD won't be around forever. So, I'm going to harass a few editors in the next few weeks. Now all I need are a few pitch ideas. Thoughts anyone?

Charity Begins at Home

The other morning as I stood in line at ye olde Starbucks , I got me a good reminder of how revolting people can be. It was crazy busy and the "barristas" had obviously made a couple of mistakes resulting in two unclaimed drinks sitting on the bar. One of the Starbuckeroos kept calling out for someone to claim the coffees and when no one did she asked if anyone in line wanted an extra coffee. Still, no one moved forward and then the woman asked if anyone would be willing to take the coffees outside to some of the homeless people sitting out front. I was about to go pick up the drinks to take out, when some fat tub of shit of a middle-aged woman pushed her way to the bar exclaiming, "Well, I'll take these to my son and daughter-in-law then." The woman behind the counter didn't even try to hide her disgusted expression and I'm sure the homeless-hating old bitch didn't notice because she then asked for a tray to carry all of her coffee beverages.

Unbelievable! Mustn' t let those delicious coffees go to waste on street folk who wouldn't know the difference between a soy, extra-hot no foam latte and the dregs they slurp out of disposed 7-11 coffee cups.

Oh, and while we're on the topic of great injustices in this world, I burned my knuckles making pancakes this morning.

A Safe Distance?

You know, I do check my reader stats from time to time and I have to say, those data pages represent some odd human behaviour. There are people whom I happen to know haven't a kind word nor thought for me in real or cyber life who read this blog more than several times a day. It's strange. I don't mind being a bit of a curiousity, but malice floats in the ether, my friends. Yes, you heard me. In the ether. Oooh dramatic. Yes. Anonny-the-mouse, I'm sure.

Malcontentish

Post-Christmas blues are setting in. I am feeling a bit antsy about many aspects of my day-to-day life. You know, the usual. Alls I want is certainty in life and yet the thought of it bores the shit out of me. So complex, I know. I'm not a patient woman, as I'm fond of reminding people, and I want what I want before I've even thought it up. I'm telling you, I don't even know what I'm doing any more. I reckon I'm just gonna have to hold on tight and take a ride. Difficult as I'm crazy stripped down and raw nowadays. Let's toss around the buzz word "vulnerable", shall we? Actually, let's not. Christ, what a bore.

All this moaning is really quite ridiculous when I know full well everything will be more than fine in the end. I've always known that. Makes one wonder what the point is in most things when the ending has already been given away.

So do you think Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake will get hitched this year?

Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention...

I was going to write an entry looking back at the past year, but I think people do far too much of that. I won't soon forget last year, but I'm also not going to dwell and suffer over it. It is with a heaving sigh of relief that I give 2004 a warm good-bye kiss. It was a harrowing time and it seems the fall-out just keeps on coming. But, that's okay. I think this year is going to be an important one. Perhaps it won't be all side-splitting good times, but I'm willing to bet I'll learn a thing or two. I hoping it will be a time to repair, recoup and recover. That, I am prepared for. Besides, compared to the insane shit some people are suffering through right now, I'm one lucky sunuvabitch.

I am not opposed to making resolutions for the new year. I have a few, of course. But, the general gist is get organized and get on with it. I think I'll concentrate on decent lodgings and good health. Reasonable, right?

Oh, and I'm an aunt! My brother and his wife had a baby boy. They named him Harrison and requested that we do not call him Harry. So, Harry it is!

I should go make dinner. I've a homecoming tonight to prepare for that I'm very much looking forward to. To everyone I know and care for and to those I don't know and those I don't care for one bit - Happy New Year!